Kara--The Boss Lady, The Thug, The Resident Advisor

As you may have gathered from my last blog post, I'm going to be an RA for at least the next year at Virginia Tech. Now, I understand that this might come as a surprise to some of you, considering what you know about me, including how shy I am, how unimposing I try to be, and how, well, let's face it, AWKWARD I am. It's okay, guys. I'm just as shocked as you in some ways. But perhaps none of us were as shocked as my dad. I distinctly remember telling him I got the job; his immediate response was, "Wait...you?! Of all my daughters [of which he has three], I would have pegged you last as likely to be an RA." Haha. Thaaaanks, Dad. ;)

But at the same time, there are a lot of things about myself that I think fit the job. For one, I have this incessant need to be friends with, well, everyone. I love getting to meet and know people. Secondly, more than anything else in the world, I love getting to help people, and as an RA, that pretty much is the overarching job description. Maybe it sounds silly, but I love having to drop everything I'm doing to help someone else with something they're working on. It may not always turn out so well for me and what I had been working on before the desperate plea for help, but, in the grander scheme of things, that doesn't matter all that much to me. Third thing worth mentioning? I have a ridiculous imagination. Maybe you wouldn't have thought that necessary to be an RA, but, from my experience so far, it's been quite a huge help. Please, take a seat. Maybe go grab a snack, too. When I get going, I really don't stop writing. Let me explain just how my imagination has related to my job thus far.

When I first started speculating about taking the job, I turned to my friend Maggie to discuss just what it would be like for me to be an RA. Of course, for us, that meant coming up with what it would be like to be an RA if she were at the same school as me. What we came up with was absolutely ridiculous. It involved doing rounds wearing sheriff badges, boots with spurs, and vests. We played out this hilarious scenario in our heads to the point that we were both gasping for lack of breath from laughing so hard.

Apparently, however, I wasn't done dreaming about ridiculous scenarios for what it would be like for me to be an RA. Stumped about what to write about tonight, I turned to a few people for suggestions. One such person, who claims he didn't want me to recognize him publicly for his involvement in my shenanigans, was half of the mastermind behind what follows.

Since yesterday, I have officially decided to run with the Care Bears name tag ideas, joking that the girls on my half of the hall could be Kara's Bears (yeah, yeah, I know. That's not exactly a testimony to my imagination. Just wait.). When I admitted the ridiculousness of my "Kara's Bears" ideas to He-Who-Chose-Not-To-Be-Named, he remarked "...You're the boss and you can do whatchu want!" And, therefore, dear readers, THIS is, apparently, what I want:

+ Kara's Bears will refer to me as Boss Lady and say "Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am."
+ Better yet, they will refer to me as Mama Bear. Um. Yeah.
+ I will always wear a tweed jacket and have an unlit cigar hanging out of my mouth.
+ When I walk down the hall, any Bear I pass will stop in her tracks, utter only where she was going and with whom she was going with to that place, and then carry on her way.
+ Any time there is more than two Bears in the bathroom, more specifically the shower stalls, they will be required to sing a Disney song in three-part harmony
+ Each Bear must list me as their mother on Facebook
+ At the end of each week, each Bear will be expected to tell me something they've learned that week in school

After only a few weeks (maybe even just days!) of my absolute tyranny as Boss Lady/Mama Bear, my Bears will be so terrified, they will start going to my building coordinator with testimonies such as the following:

It's Sunday afternoon. A tearful Funshine Bear walks into the building coordinator's office, sits down in an overstuffed armchair and begins sobbing, leaving mascara all over the chair's fabric. Mr. Building Coordinator tentatively hands her a tissue, seemingly afraid to get too close, perhaps imagining her weepiness to be contagious. She accepts the tissue and begins blubbering, without being prompted, "This one time, I was just in my room, painting my fingernails, and Mama Bear--"
Mr. Building Coordinator cuts her off, "I'm sorry, who?"
Funshine Bear looks up at him from the wrinkles of her soggy tissue and says in a matter-of-fact tone, "My RA, Kara. That's what she makes us call her."
"She makes you--"
Funshine Bear cuts him off this time. After all, she's Funshine Bear and not Perfect & Polite Panda, "Can I please just finish?"
Mr. Building Coordinator, taken aback, simply nods. Funshine Bear blows her nose into her tissue once more and then continues,
"Thank you. As I was saying, I was just sitting in my room, minding my own business, painting my nails, when all of a sudden Mama Bear stormed in without knocking or announcing herself, snatched the bottle of polish, and crushed it under her steel-toed combat boots, shrieking something about how the color was too similar to her own to be tolerated while I was living under her roof!"
Funshine Bear bursts into tears as she relives the memory, and, at this point, Mr. Building Coordinator is so terrified of Mama Bear himself, he refuses to confront her for fear of having his bottle of nail polish crushed underfoot, never mind the fact that he's a man and doesn't indulge in painting his nails...often.


Um. Yeah. So, there you are. Maybe I'm not so qualified for this job after all. But I've got training in a week, so we'll see by then, won't we? :) Before I'm too embarrassed to give publishing this a second thought, I'm just going to go ahead and fill out my Sense Survey for the night and click "Publish Post". :P

Today, I smelled: chili simmering on the stove while I read Emma in my bedroom. Apparently my sense of smell is clairvoyant. Remember how I thought last night's dinner was chili? Well, tonight's actually was. :P
Today, I saw: that Penelope is available to Watch Instantly on Netflix! So exciting. I haven't seen that yet. :)
Today, I tasted: a spoonful of Red Velvet Cupcake frozen yogurt from the Skinny Dip that Chewie brought home after work and offered to share with me. :)
Today, I heard: Father John's Easter Sunday homily! His homilies are now available for free through iTunes HERE. :D Geeking out. :)
Today, I felt: the weight of an inky fountain pen in my hand and remembered what it feels like to handwrite a letter. Pure euphoria. :)

That's all for now, lovelies! Thanks for putting up with my craziness. :) Mama Bear OUT.