tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88340875200833705002024-03-05T19:15:15.070-06:00The Art of Losing"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." - Mahatma GhandiKara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-14216605902626930992013-07-04T21:20:00.000-05:002013-07-04T21:20:25.244-05:00I Am Not Needed: A WitnessMy gracious, little blog, it's been quite some time since you and I talked. I have plenty of excuses lined up if you'd like them, but honestly, I'm ready to just move forward.<br /><br />Are you ready?<br /><br />
During Closing Retreat for Amate House, each of the three houses spent a week on the shore of Lake Michigan. That week, that creepy little house in the woods, that rocky shore, that living room carpet, that king-size bed, that silverware drawer, that lake water...I will be carrying all of these things and so much more into my next adventure.<br /><br />I'm still at a loss for words on how to communicate this past year to those who weren't actively a part of it. I have tried. Time and again, I've tried. But I've almost resigned myself to believing that the art of story and language simply won't cut it this time. Perhaps this past year and everything it was and was not...perhaps it was all for me. Then again, it's only "all for me" until that "me" goes elsewhere in the world and changes it because of the changes she experienced there. So it really wasn't all for me after all.<br /><br />I'm making my own head spin. In any case, that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to share a little bit of this past year with you. During Closing Retreat, we were tasked with writing a five-minute Witness Talk to sum up our year with Amate, which we shared with our community. It was an exhausting undertaking to say the least, but what I eventually eeked out is transcribed below. I hope it will tide you over (and me, too!) until I know what else to say.<br /><br /><br /><b>I Am Not Needed: A Witness</b><br /> I have seen the face of God. I have seen the face of God in a gap-toothed fifty-year-old man who thinks he's a Vietnam War veteran, has unrivaled affection for the color yellow, knows all of the dance steps to Thriller, can throw his voice to sound like Darth Vader's when you least expect it, and calls me his angel.<br /> My relationship with Kevin is my milemarker for this year. When I first met him, on my first day of work at West Suburban, he didn't really stand out to me. As weeks passed and I fought to fit somewhere--anywhere--in the agency, I began to notice him. He often sat at the table with the other clients, but he couldn't have conversations with them. He would talk himself in nonsensical circles around being fifteen, jobs in Chicago, taking care of people, being underwater, money, and a handful of other things. But you couldn't be sure that even a single sentence of what came out of his mouth was going to make a lick of sense. He would do it even if no one was listening. <br /> He was over six feet tall, and as one of the only clients who could and would ambulate of his own volition, I avoided him. In a very vague way, I was afraid of him because I couldn't understand him. But then one day I found myself sitting at a table with him and one of the Certified Nursing Assistants in a room separate from all of the other clients. He began talking, and he didn't stop. It was probably the most lucid I had seen him to that point, or perhaps it was just the first time I actually listened. He talked about being fifteen and watching his father get shot. He talked about how he had to go to Chicago to get a job so he could take care of his family. He went on and on and on. At first, I hung on everything he said. But then I realized that I couldn't be sure he was telling the truth. <br />
I looked at him as he babbled and tried to make words connect to thoughts in his addled brain. And I made a decision. I decided that I would take him on faith. In our sharing covenant back home, I had written that we should not deny each others' realities. Why should I treat Kevin any differently?<br /> I began to respond to his tone and would pick up on what felt like key words in his unbroken monologue to ask questions. I searched his eyes as he spoke and he stared right back and let me feel his meaning on some inherent level. I didn't understand him at all, but suddenly, I knew him. I saw him as completely as he could share himself with me. And I knew him.<br /> From that day on, Kevin and I were as thick as thieves. I could count on getting smiles out of him. He would tell me I was beautiful entirely unprompted. Some days he would say things to me that frightened me. He would tell me I was "the only one." I didn't know what it meant, and I couldn't even make any conjectures about it. After a while, when I was given the responsibility of some desk work, I would look up from the grant I was writing and find him watching me from the other side of the room. I would smile at him when our eyes met, and then he would mouth, "Are you okay?" And I would nod, "Yes," and mouth back "Thank you." He would mouth back "I love you." And I would just smile at him as the tears welled up in my eyes. I cried because I believed him. Almost more than anyone who has said those words to me in my life, I believed Kevin when he told me he loved me.<br />
Kevin's care for me became something I could rely on. He became my role model for sincere authentic empathy. The mouthed conversation would happen regularly. Sometimes I would initiate it by asking him if he was okay first. He always was. "Oh yeah!" he would say as if he had never been anything other than okay.<br /> My relationship with Kevin drew open my relationship with all of the other clients, too. I learned from him that I could communicate with each of them if I was patient and observant and found a way to reach them.<br /> But there were days I couldn't reach Kevin. Some days his meaning was too far away from his words and he could feel it. He wouldn't make eye contact. He would stand up and sit down in several chairs around the room and just prattle to himself. I could feel his agitation from wherever I was in the room. I began to really comprehend just how much of a gift it is to be able to think about what you want to say, say it, and feel as if your meaning and your words connected. Not only that, but that your meaning was understood. He made me thankful for God, for the fact that I could trust He knew exactly what I meant, knew the very straining of my heart no matter how poorly or clumsily I spoke.<br /> Trying to understanding Kevin started to feel like trying to understand God. I knew on some inherent level I could know him. I knew there were certain rhythms we could both find that would align us like prayer. Dancing with Kevin was one of those rhythms. If I extended my hand to him, I could trust he would take it. I would raise his arm just a little and he would understand I wanted him to twirl me. I don't know how to put words around what it felt like to let his body revel in rhythms tucked deep inside of him. The best I can do is to say that it made me think of each of us and our prisons and how we have those moments of grace where we release each other and set each other free, if only for a moment. For a man whose memory forsakes him all day long, I could only wonder what it meant for him or felt like to remember exactly how to move and lead a dance partner. I can't wait to ask him someday when he and I are both no longer on this side of paradise.<br /> That day will likely come much sooner for Kevin than it will for me. I found out a few months ago that Kevin has prostate cancer. As if his body hadn't already betrayed him enough, it was now mutating and making him suffer from pain he has no way of expressing. I found out the day he began radiation therapy. He wasn't on the bus, and when he was dropped off later in the day, he looked like he hadn't slept for weeks. As he stood looking out the window at the red sports car across the street that he liked to tell me belonged to his brother, my co-worker and I watched him. She said, with a hint of anger in her voice, "I don't understand how he could be double-whammied like that." I said nothing because I had just been thinking that my God was no different now that I knew Kevin had cancer than He was when I had laid down to sleep the night before.<br /> Kevin became harder and harder to reach in my last days of work. He became more and more paranoid. He wouldn't sit on the bus to go home. He would tell me, "I'm upset with myself." Every day at the end of the day before Kevin's beautiful young wife would pick him up, I'd lay my hands on his shoulders and look into his eyes as I prayed silently, "I know my God can heal you." On days when he wouldn't look me in the eye, I'd just rub his back and pray the same. After praying, I would tell him how much I loved him, how good of a man he was, and how much wisdom I had gleaned from him. Somewhere beneath all of his suffering, I knew he heard and felt my prayers and love.<br /> When I first started working at West Suburban, I struggled because I needed to be needed and I wasn't even wanted. But Kevin taught me, and community repeated over and over, that what I actually needed was not to be needed, but that I need to be known. And now, I know I can be known. To the depths of my soul, I can be known. And I <i>am</i> known. I will never have to ask for anything more.Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-25295871036966814532012-12-09T23:00:00.000-06:002012-12-09T23:01:39.359-06:00Advent Reflection: Action in Waiting<i>Each year, the Little Village community of Amate House hosts an
evening of Advent reflections. We adapt and abbreviate the Hispanic
tradition of Las Posadas--a re-enactment of Mary and Joseph's journey to
Bethlehem--knocking on doors and being turned away until finally being
received at the inn's stable. Traditionally, Las Posadas is a nine day
novena, representing the nine months of Mary's pregnancy. For our
purposes, we condensed the event into one evening full of praying,
singing, and reflecting. At each of our nine stops around our
neighborhood, one of my housemates read their reflection on their Amate
experience thus far and how it relates to the four (unofficial) themes
of Advent: Waiting, Preparing, Receiving, and Rebirth.</i> <i>Below
you'll find my reflection on the first theme. Sorry you can't
experience it with Mexican sweet bread, ginger snaps, and hot chocolate
the way everyone else did! :)<br />
<br />
<br />***<br />
<br />
"Here Jesus is speaking of his disciples and their preparation for his
coming. Take note that God's kingdom is not formed by any human
discovery or intention, however daring and noble, but by the coming of
Christ. ... It is remarkable that not only God, creator of heaven and
earth, but also God's people must be a part of this plan. ... There must
be people who stand by the door and listen for him and who open it
quickly when he knocks. Workers, not slackers, are dressed for
service. ... God has work that has to be done in work clothes, not in
one's Sunday best. As long as God's kingdom has to be fought for, it is
more important to be dressed for work--ready for action..." --
Christoph Friedrich Blumhardt</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
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In many ways, my college experience was a realization of
just how much this world expects us to have everything figured out, or at least
pretend we do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You no sooner pick a
major than people begin to bombard you with that dreaded question, “What are
you going to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> with that?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Four years were plenty enough time to realize
that the world’s perspective aims at knowing who you’re going to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">be</i>, more than it aims at truly knowing
who you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me, this is the difference between those
from Blumhardt’s quote who go around wearing their Sunday best, cover model
souls with painted faces, and those who are dressed for work, flecked with the
smatterings of nitty gritty daily life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I think I came into this year of Amate dressed in my Sunday best, with my eye
on the person I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">could</i> be rather than
courageously vulnerable, willing to be seen for exactly who I am, faults and
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a result, I became something of
a self-development junkie, never satisfied with who I am at present, never
willing to fully recognize my gifts and talents because all I can see is just
how full of holes and cracks I am, how much this part of me needs mending, how
much that part of me needs tweaking, and how little that part of me holds up to
its potential. <br />
<br />
I realized early on—during Orientation, in fact—as my new community began to
trade out their best Sunday dresses and suits for muddy shoes and well-worn
t-shirts, just what my greatest challenge would be this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have to slow down and re-orient my
perspective so that I no longer had my eyes set on the woman I could be, and
God’s will as it would manifest itself in the future, but rather seeing myself
clearly and honestly, and living that authentically:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>seeing God’s will not in who I would be, but
in who I have already become over my twenty-two years of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have to recognize myself as God’s
beloved and be patient and loving towards myself as I had rarely been before,
acknowledging, in the words of Carl Rogers:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I
can change.”<br />
<br />
I had to let go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew I had to be
active in my waiting, so I chose to live that paradox, to lose myself in
service of others to find myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nowadays, because of Amate, my active waiting looks like dancing like
children with a grown man in the middle of the Brookfield Zoo because I took
the time to learn what it takes to make his day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My active waiting looks like deconstructing
and broadening my understanding of service to include the slow, laborious
cultivation of trust and relationships with elderly who don’t always remember
me from one day to the next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My active
waiting looks like pushing myself to the limits of my concept of love to admit
that I don’t have all of the answers and inviting my community to share their
truth and reality with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My active
waiting looks like acknowledging the ugly habits I thought I’d left behind as
they buck and kick their way into my new life, and allowing my community to
hold me accountable for their effects on our shared life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My active waiting looks like realizing my own
dignity and worth as I yield to my community’s boundless love and
affection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
My active waiting is not picture perfect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s messy and wild, and sometimes a little crude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s more me than I have been for quite
some time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All it took was the letting
go and giving in to the kind of faith that believes God’s will is here and now,
not just tomorrow; the kind of faith that believes that you shouldn’t search
for the meaning of life, but for the meaning you can give life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Exactly as you are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dirty work
clothes and all.</div>
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During Fall Retreat, I picked up a book by Henri Nouwen from the Amate
library.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My forward-looking self urged
me to try to read the entire book in one afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the preface to the book stopped me in my
tracks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It cautioned the reader to read
in small doses, to read the book the way it was written:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>one day at a time, one page at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I chastised myself for wanting to speed ahead
and lose the weight of the words about to grace my lips.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m glad I slowed down, because if I hadn’t,
the following quote might not have stayed with me the way it does now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I might not have given it the chance to
permeate to the far reaches of my heart, those little spaces I rarely even let
God touch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It said:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“God is faithful to God’s promises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before you die, you will find the acceptance
and the love you crave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will not come
in the way you expect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will not
follow your needs and your wishes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
it will fill your heart and satisfy your deepest desire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is nothing to hold on to but this
promise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything else has been taken
away from you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cling to that naked
promise in faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your faith will heal
you.”<br />
<br />
Anytime my expectations of myself and future-focused perspective start to cloud
my vision and bring me to my knees, I turn to that quote and let it bring back
a small taste of the peace it brought me that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray that this year will fortify in me the
kind of faith that believes in the promise of today, and encourages me to find
the meaning <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I</i> can bring to the hand I
am dealt each day of my life—whether it be at work, at home, or in the quiet of
my own heart.<br />
<br />
I expect my self-knowledge to be a lifelong journey, a waiting game of its own,
but not a passive one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will be spent
as intentionally as possible, like the disciples awaiting Christ’s coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me, Christ’s coming will be like God
tracing out a constellation from the brightest stars of my life, and delighting
in watching my face as suddenly it all comes clear, as suddenly, all of my “I
don’t know’s” and “perhaps’s” and “we’ll see’s” spell out a full portrait of
who God created me to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until then,
sure, I’m waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m not waiting
in passivity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rather, I’m pouring my
heart into the people around me each day, deconstructing the world’s claims on
my understanding of myself, and being courageous enough in my vulnerability and
faith to trust that my dreams will find me and my stars will align as best
serves His kingdom—one day at a time.</span>Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-85068746359186360292012-10-11T14:37:00.001-05:002012-10-11T14:37:55.635-05:00Community Night Gone Right AKA Kara's Owner's Manual
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I may have explained this before, but each Wednesday evening
in our program is designated as a Community Night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a night set apart each week for us to
gather as a community for engagement, discussion, education, or just plain
fellowship and fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all leave work
about an hour earlier than usual to get the ball rolling by 5pm blunt (we could
be a little more punctual, eh, LV?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each
community night includes a business meeting (scheduling for the next week or
weeks to come, updates on house budget and transportation, reflection on the
status of community life, etc.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Following the business meeting, we have dinner as usual (though perhaps
more rushed and chaotic).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
After dinner, the night’s theme begins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Some weeks we travel into the city to hear a speaker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some weeks we do service together as an Amate
community within the larger Chicago community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Some weeks we gather with the other two houses to learn more and delve
deeper into the five tenets of our program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Some weeks we, as a house, design our own community night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And some weeks our community nights are more
community-specific and are held in the quirkiness of our own home.<br />
<br />
Last week’s was one of those.<br />
<br />
I have to admit that when we first cozied up in our second floor community room
after dinner, I could sense that very few of us were excited to reorient our
brains to focus on whatever we were going to be presented with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I definitely was not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Just the same, our house coordinator, Ali, began explaining our task for the
night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She held up a mostly-blank white
sheet of 8½x11 printer paper with the typed heading “_____’s Owner’s
Manual.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I actually felt the
group’s internal groan, but I might be projecting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tend to do that. ;)<br />
<br />
“What you’re going to do,” Ali said, “is create an owner’s manual for
yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll write it in the third
person, outlining the highlights of your personality, warning signs for moods,
bad habits, joys, reactions to conflict, pet peeves, areas of improvement, and
so on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re going to take half an hour
to write up your manual, and then return to the group and share it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll collect them and make copies to
redistribute to all of you.” (She probably said this in a much peppier, cuter,
and Ali-esque way, but 1) it’s been a week, so sue me if I don’t remember
verbatim 2) I’m paraphrasing and 3) this is my blog so I can misquote and
misappropriate as I please. Kidding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think.)<br />
<br />
We each solemnly collected our blank owner’s manual from her with all of the
enthusiasm of someone reporting to jury duty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Per Ali’s suggestion, we each retreated to different corners of the
house where we felt most comfortable writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I returned to my Blog Headquarters aka my bed, and started writing.<br />
<br />
I shouldn’t, but will, speak for my housemates when I say that we were entirely
wrong to not want to put in the effort for that night’s assignment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forty-five minutes later, Ali tapped on my
bedroom door and informed me that she was giving us another half hour to work
on our manuals because most of us had become so involved in the project that we
hadn’t finished even the first of the three prompts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even after all of that time, when we
reconvened on the second floor, some of us, myself included, were still
scrambling to squeeze in a few more bullet points.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I may have also been totally disrespectful
to some of my roommates and added a few when they were sharing their manual
aloud and I thought nobody would notice. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I willfully cede a heaping handful of
community life points for that one.)<br />
<br />
It was humbling, exciting, nerve-wracking, and entertaining to share all of our
manuals with one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am always
exceedingly impressed with and awed by my roommates’ sense of
self-awareness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may be true of the
other two houses, too, but I feel as if my community is made up of a group of
really extraordinary 20-somethings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
roommates were all so honest and forthcoming with their misgivings and so
hopeful and willingly vulnerable about their dreams and areas of
self-improvement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was the last to
share that night, and I remember feeling as if I had no right to speak after
hearing such accurate portraits of each of my roommates from their very own
mouths.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ended the evening with a sense of being honored to share a
year of each of these peoples’ lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
may not always understand them or agree with them or want to be around them
(the same could be said of me, I’m absolutely sure), but I feel privileged to
be learning what it truly means to love alongside and from them.<br />
<br />
---<br />
Below, for your reading pleasure, is my very own Owner’s Manual. I hope those
of you who know me well find it to be an accurate snapshot of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feel free to propose bullet points that I
missed if you have any, especially as regards my uglier qualities—I’m human so
I might’ve sugarcoated mine a little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
also hope that those of you who don’t know me as well—or at all!—may find this
manual enlightening as you continue to read my blog this year (if you so
choose!).<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kara’s Owner’s Manual</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Becoming Familiar
With Me</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This section describes the highlights of your personality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think about what drives you, both at work and
at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you wish, borrow words or
phrases from your Strengths report.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Include your greatest talents, as well as your blind spots and failures.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WARNING:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara is a sensitive introvert and is likely
to react to her own and others’ emotions/feelings with extremes (read:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tears).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara finds comfort in silence and does
not need to talk to enjoy your company.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara loves to feel busy and must
accomplish something measurable each day to feel at peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That said, Kara is also always in a constant
state of self-evaluation and is never fully satisfied with her personal
development; this is true of all aspects of her life:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>self-perception, physical, emotional, vocational,
spiritual, relational, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara loves to learn new things and
will often start up new and involved projects; however, Kara is also a
perfectionist, and will quickly lose interest in a project when she realizes
she’s not naturally gifted at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara works best under pressure, though
she constantly seeks quiet and stability.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara tends to be very concerned with
meeting expectations—her own and those of others.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara is perpetually concerned with
inclusivity and will go out of her way to achieve it for anyone but herself.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara is terrified of her ability to
hurt other people, but is comfortable standing up for her values and beliefs,
even if it makes her feel isolated.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara thinks very hard about just about
anything she wants to say before she says it, which is one reason for why she
often prefers writing to talking.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Cautions</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This
section shares insights on your reaction to stressful situations and confrontations,
as well as pet peeves and red flags that would be helpful for your housemates
to know.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara tends to feel
other people’s stress acutely, but often fails to recognize her own until she’s
overwhelmed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When this threshold is
reached, she will likely have a short meltdown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Give her some space to commiserate and think for a moment, and soon
she’ll be back on her feet, tackling the problem one step at a time.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara finds group interactions
emotionally taxing but rewarding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
will likely insert one or two comments when she feels comfortable, but
otherwise will be quiet and observant, feeling out the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If Kara chooses to share a story or thought
that requires a whole group’s attention on her, you can be certain she feels
she’s sharing something important to her.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara tends to work through most of her
problems on her own, but may come to you if she’s seeking a new way to be
challenged or to be held accountable for a decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If she asks for your opinion on a situation
in her life, it means she’s looking for someone she respects to help her pin
down a new goal, especially as regards her relationships with others.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While Kara loves to write and
appreciates all things of the written word, Kara detests holding conversations
via text message or instant messengers like facebook chat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She feels as though these media, while
useful, do not do the least bit of justice to a conversation that can be held
in person or to the experience of sharing time and space with another person
face-to-face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She prefers to use these
methods of communication only for quick hello’s, silly updates, or to let you
know she’s thinking of you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She will, however,
use both text and facebook chat if no other option is readily available. (Be
warned that this is one of Kara’s soapbox issues.)<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Caution:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>do not interrupt Kara when you see her
reading or writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you need her help
or need to speak with her at these moments, it’s best not to just start talking
to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It takes her a moment to switch
gears (especially emotionally).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simply
ask if you can have her attention for a moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Once she has closed her book or put down her pen or looked away from her
computer, feel free to share what you need to share or ask what you need to
ask.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Final Note</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This
section declares the areas that you are actively working to improve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think about your personal goals for the year,
and also look at the “Ideas for Action” in your Strengths report for helpful
suggestions.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara is working on
her ability to combat her restlessness and constant need for forward motion in
her personal and spiritual development.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara views everything as a work in
progress—even you!—and is learning how to appreciate things and people for what
and who they are at the present moment while still finding opportunities to
(hopefully) graciously share ways she thinks you could grow.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In her pursuit of perfection, Kara
tends to be very hard on herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is
working on being less self-deprecating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, Kara also really struggles with pridefulness, and can also have
ugly moments of self-righteousness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
actually would appreciate someone having the guts to call her out—gently but
firmly—on these moments because it will lend to her conviction surrounding
personal development.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a result of the
aforementioned, Kara struggles with compliments and is learning to accept them
graciously.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara can be impatient with people who
don’t know how to or refuse to express their thoughts and feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is learning how not to put words in
others’ mouths and/or force them to share before they would have done on their
own.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara values honesty above all else and
will answer any question you ask in sincerity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She’s not a private person just because she’s quieter than most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She just refuses to demand attention in the
event that you might need that time more than she.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is learning how to advocate for herself.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kara is always worried about imposing
on other peoples’ time and emotions and is slowly coming to believe that her
thoughts, feelings, and ideas are deserving of time, respect, and acknowledgement,
too.<br />
<br />
<br />
Hope you survived all of that!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks
for reading. :)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your support and
the time you take to read my musings mean more than you could possibly imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until next time! </div>
Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-8196523387464775642012-09-30T22:39:00.004-05:002012-09-30T22:39:50.805-05:00Made to Honor<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKlxoTFEr1QMT0PY6iPIVdLHJFn_WQ0gfmtU_-ykx04nU6MbKN8AJIfx8UxeyhQE63tctl0-lj9NTxAQUN1VNhAkFaoiK5ksr6TOxTJZ9zNaxtiVwqbaWCm4s4f48QDLBP4MH4aQvbb2o/s1600/Screen+shot+2012-09-30+at+9.23.38+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKlxoTFEr1QMT0PY6iPIVdLHJFn_WQ0gfmtU_-ykx04nU6MbKN8AJIfx8UxeyhQE63tctl0-lj9NTxAQUN1VNhAkFaoiK5ksr6TOxTJZ9zNaxtiVwqbaWCm4s4f48QDLBP4MH4aQvbb2o/s320/Screen+shot+2012-09-30+at+9.23.38+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I wonder what you see when you see this picture.<br />
<br />
Do you see a young girl making her way down the aisle to witness the marriage
of her best friend?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I hear so
much more echoing within me when I look at this picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, the old adage says:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a picture is worth a thousand words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d say that’s fairly apt; this picture is
full to bursting with words written deep within my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I </i>look at this
picture, I see a girl who is walking with quiet purpose towards her God, her
patient lover who waits, smiling radiantly, at the altar.<br />
<br />
But she has a burning question within her soul:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>is her God waiting there to hand her to one of His beloved sons?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is He waiting there for her to accept the
gentle invitation of His open arms?<br />
<br />
This walk—this journey—transpires beneath the watchful gaze and silent support
of the one woman who knew how to say an unequivocal “Yes” to the will of her
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The girl considers the bouquet of
flowers in her grip and acknowledges her desire to do as her best friend will
do shortly and place her bouquet, the offering of her love and life’s gifts, at
the feet of her Heavenly Mother—the first lover, follower, and teacher of her
beloved Jesus.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A young boy runs headlong towards his parents just out of
the camera’s sight, and the girl seems to wonder if the children that bring
such joy to her will be her own, or if she is called to be a mother to the
unwanted and abandoned, to the children of others. The girl wonders where her
heart fits in the coming of her Beloved’s kingdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
She wonders if she will ever meet a man who will strive with all of his might
to love her as God does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wonders if
she will have to seek God’s love and Truth without a warm hand holding her own,
guiding her.<br />
<br />
She wonders if she will ever loosen her grip on the fetters of broken trust and lost
love that plague her weary soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
wonders if she will ever stop resisting her God’s gentle touch, untangling her
from those chains.<br />
<br />
She is full of wonder.<br />
<br />
But she is not waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: JA; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">She is
fighting her demons, learning to believe that she truly is God’s beloved, that
He has every intention to fulfill His promises in, through, and for her.<br />
<br />
She is learning to see herself through His eyes.<br />
<br />
She is wrestling with her fear.<br />
<br />
She is walking towards her God through it all, anchoring her heart to His, not
despite how heavy and burdened hers is, but because He knows and bears that
weight and burden with and for her.<br />
<br />
She seeks her God joyfully, lovingly, and, most significantly:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hopefully.</span>
<br />Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-61214316110953310452012-09-17T23:16:00.000-05:002012-09-17T23:19:41.215-05:00Expectations & Community, Honestly<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Honesty has been on my mind a lot lately, especially in
terms of this blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
example:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>how do I be honest with
all of you about my experience without violating the privacy of my housemates
and/or the agency I am working for?<br />
<br />
In all honesty (there it is again), that one question has kept me from writing
for a few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That and, you
know, acclimating to a new 40-hour work week, a new job, a new community, a new
bedroom, a new diet, a new city…I could go on if you’d like. ;)<br />
<br />
Being serious, though, I’m not sure how to write this blog with integrity if
there’s so much that I cannot share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can’t share much about the clients I work with at the agency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t share much about my housemates’
personal lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t share
much, honestly, about my opinions and experiences thus far because they’re
either wrapped up in the lives of my housemates or of my clients and
co-workers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But here’s what I feel I can share, and share honestly about
the past month and a half:<br />
<br />
Even surrounded by eight other seemingly omnipresent people, I have been lonely
often.<br />
<br />
Perhaps just as often, I have felt as if one or another of my roommates truly
cares about me as an individual.<br />
<br />
I have had to fight for the acknowledgment and respect of my personal boundaries
as far as being an introvert goes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
Admittedly, </span>I have been less adamant about asserting personal boundaries on other
topics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To say the very least,
it’s difficult to demand or ask for respect of your personal values.<br />
<br />
Because I naturally gravitate towards some of my housemates more than others, I
have driven myself crazy with worry over how to authentically become closer to
those I don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But every
opportunity I have made and taken to spend time with each of my housemates has
been more than meaningful to me.<br />
<br />
I have not shared many facets of my belief system and personality with my
housemates at large for fear of persecution or my own inability to articulate
my beliefs, thoughts, and feelings clearly.<br />
<br />
I have been affirmed in love and truth daily by my housemates, especially in
cherished moments around the dinner table as we each shared joys and sorrows
from our days.<br />
<br />
I have seen my pride rear its ugly head more times than I would like to count.<br />
<br />
All in all, very little of my experience here has been what I expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
When I start a new journey, or dream about starting a new journey, I always
somehow seem to forget that the same person I am now will be the girl she has
been all along and will be the girl present when that decision comes to bear:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>faults and all.<br />
<br />
I seem foolishly to have thought I would naturally be more patient, more
understanding, more kind, more loving, more intentional, more forgiving…you
name it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In short, I somehow expected the ideal Kara Lynn Olenick
(the one who is compassionate but speaks her mind, the one who doesn’t mind
picking up her roommates at all hours of the night from the L station, the one
who will happily do all of the dishes left in the sink, the one who doesn’t
chicken out of every radical opportunity for growth she dreams up, on and on)
to be the one ringing the doorbell to our Amate home in Little Village back at
the end of July.<br />
<br />
But the reality is this:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that’s
not the girl that showed up on the doorstep here a month ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And thank goodness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because that girl wouldn’t have had any
learning or growing to do anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And, perhaps it’s not clear to you, but it sure is to me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have what seems to be an
insurmountable bit of learning and growing to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully, I’ve got prayer, the grace of God, and my
community on my side, which allow me to approach each new day with more hope
than trepidation, more excitement than dread, more intentionality than
passivity.</div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Living in intentional community is hard work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some days I feel like seeking out a divorce lawyer and
filing for irreconcilable differences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But, as far as I’m concerned, giving up is not an option.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we will work through all of this not
only out of necessity, but because we want to, because we have a vision for
love and what it sincerely can be—can mean—among nine volunteers with vast
differences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we will work to
treat each others’ misgivings hopefully and be mindful of our similarities as
well as our differences, and learn daily that both can be beautiful and
life-giving.<br />
<br />
I suppose, then, in that way, this experience thus far has been exactly what I
wanted and expected:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the most worthwhile
challenge I have ever undertaken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I will not walk out of this house at the end of the year the same as I
entered it—I will be more myself, God willing:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>more the girl I am meant to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The story of this year as I share it with you will make an
indelible impression on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I sincerely hope you are all finding ways to take a lead role in a similar
story in your own lives.<br />
<br />
Until next time,<br />
<br />
Kara < 3<br /><br />PS. The Amate Website has been updated to include photographs and contact information for the thirty-three of us in the program this year! <a href="http://www.amatehouse.org/Volunteer/CurrentVolunteers/tabid/1542/language/en-US/Default.aspx" target="_blank">Check it out!</a><br /><!--3--></span>Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-17046863505478166042012-08-13T23:06:00.003-05:002012-08-13T23:06:51.159-05:00An Honest Interlude
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m going to interrupt your regularly scheduled programming
to be honest with all of you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not that I
haven’t been honest up until this point, but I feel as if I’ve been very
“everything is hunky dory!” since I’ve started this blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that’s simply not true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Tonight, I feel plagued by privilege.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It will seem unrelated at first, but, as usual, I ask that you bare with me.<br /><br />As of tonight, I have killed 31 spiders in my room since I
moved in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thirty-one!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s only the ones I noticed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are definitely three more within my
sight right now that I just haven’t had the heart to smack mercilessly with the
pair of shoes I’ve designated for killing all spiders (flat bottoms with no
ridges, if you must know).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At first, when it was only around fifteen spiders total stretched
over the initial clean and the first two weeks, I thought:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“This is kind of funny!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But tonight?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Upping my total by 7 in the last half hour?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I’m angry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly, I almost started crying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not
because there are spiders in my room and I’m irrationally afraid of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m angry because I felt sorry for myself for living in
these conditions.<br />
<br />
I made myself sick just writing that sentence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know life can seem to be all about context and perspective;
and given that I’ve lived in a very clean and sterile environment for my entire
life I shouldn’t be shocked that I’m responding this way to living in a room
meant for storage that’s infested with all kinds of critters and bugs I can’t
name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But here’s the thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fifty yards from where I comfortably lay my head down every
night, a homeless couple climbs through a gash in the chain link fence on the
opposite side of our street where they spend the night under a make-shift tent
built of cardboard boxes and dirty old sheets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know because I’ve seen them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know because I stare every time we drive past and park our car just fifteen
feet from their “home.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know because I
feel guilty even sitting in a vehicle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know because I’m afraid to talk to them.<br />
<br />
I guess what I’m trying to say is that my heart is really heavy tonight with
the realization of my own privilege.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Coming to Amate was, in part, about learning to live simply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But my musty spider-strewn room feels like a
palace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or at least it should.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I’m struggling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m feeling sorry for myself when really, I
should be counting my blessings and trying harder to find ways to right the
injustice of homelessness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Quite honestly, my own privilege breaks my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And for me, I think that’s a good thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want my heart to break the way God’s does
when He sees the living conditions of so many neglected people.<br />
<br />
But I don’t want to stop there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want
that breaking to actually motivate me to do something other than sit in my
warm, dry room typing on a $1,500 computer that I don’t even feel like I
deserve.<br />
<br />
Perhaps guilt or conviction (or whatever I choose to call this awful
pressure-in-my-chest, lump-in-my-throat, stinging eyes feeling) isn’t what
should motivate me to change and to do what I can to change this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
But I’ll take what I can get. <br />
<br />
Because I need to change.<br />
<br />
And I honestly believe the world needs me to change, too.</div>
Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-9729187479297997232012-08-08T01:43:00.001-05:002012-08-08T01:45:16.283-05:00A Play-by-Play of the First Week of My Journey<style>
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Hi again, everybody!<br />
<br />
As of Sunday, I have been with my community for a full week!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How crazy is that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time is flying here, packed full morning to
evening with intentional conversation, laughter, dreams, solemnities, and so
much more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saturday was the first day we
had off from our two-week orientation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Some of my roommates went out to listen to Lollapalooza outside the
gates, some went to the gym and took care of banking, one spent time with his
girlfriend, another went to a wedding in Wisconsin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before beginning this post, I went to the
library to get a library card with another roommate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We each just took the day to rest and plug
into our own interests and needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think we all breathed a little sigh of relief when we realized we had Saturday
free.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before things get even crazier here, I want to take this
opportunity to fill you in on what the first week has been like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first thing to note, however, is that
I’ve only directly mentioned my blog to two roommates at this point, and I have
yet to feel out how everyone individually feels about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, for the time being, I’m going to try to
write simply from my own experience and not to refer to anyone by name for the
sake of their privacy.<br />
<br />
This is going to be a doozy of a post because there’s much to tell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without further ado:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Tuesday, July 24<sup>th</sup><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Friday, July 27<sup>th</sup></b><br />
After an incredible sending-off meal at home Tuesday night (Dad and Mom made a
traditional German meal of schnitzel and spaetzle!), I packed late into the
night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wednesday morning, my mom and I
packed the last few of my things into our family Suburban and got on the road
by 8:20.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our plan for the day was to
drive about 7 hours to her parents’ house in Johnstown, PA to spend the night
before continuing West towards Illinois.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When we arrived in Johnstown, we spent the day with my grandparents,
great aunt and uncle, my Aunt Amy, Aunt Terri, Uncle Roger, and cousins
Patrick, Abby, John, and Emily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
time was especially wonderful for me because Abby (whom I often refer to as my
soul sister because she’s one of those people I just connect with on a level
much deeper than I can even understand or explain—a kindred spirit) is entering
her two years of cloistered novitiate with the Sister Servants of the Most
Sacred Heart of Jesus today (August 4<sup>th</sup>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we had originally made our travel plans,
it looked as if we would have just missed seeing one another, but once my mom
and I re-arranged things, it all worked perfectly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was nothing short of a blessing to get to
see her again, especially given that it will be at least two years until I see
her next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Mom and I left the next day after lunch, this time heading about 4 hours to Madison,
Ohio to stay the night with my Aunt Wendy, Uncle Wayne, cousins Joey and Sarah,
and their crazy sweet labradoodle Zooey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We went out to dinner with the family and then returned to their house
where my mom showed them all of the pictures she and my dad took while in Rome
and Assisi for their 25<sup>th</sup> wedding anniversary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my mom took a phone call after sharing
pictures, I had a few minutes of wonderful conversation with my Aunt Wendy
about the importance of making time to spend one-on-one with God every
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her words were both humbling and
inspiring, especially as I consider how hard it has been to make that time here
living under a fairly demanding schedule with eight other people.<br />
<br />
Finally, on Friday, my mom and I drove the last 6 hours to Chicago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a fun initiation to the traffic of
Chicago shortly after entering the city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>With the GPS (which my mom calls Wanda) repeatedly declaring that we
only had 10 miles to go, we spent about a half hour sitting in traffic just
past the Skyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a jumbled
combination of excited and anxious at this point, so I probably drove a little
more aggressively than necessary at that point—sorry Mom! :)<br />
<br />
We pulled up to my new home at around 3:30pm Chicago time, having completely
forgotten about the time change until just a few moments before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were met on the sidewalk by one of last
year’s volunteers from South House, who called my house coordinator and teased
me about how much I brought (so much for living simply, huh?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mom and I got a tour of the house
(although I had been there before and mostly was preoccupied with the
following:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saying hello to my new housemates whom had
already moved in that morning 2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trying
to remember what they had shared about themselves in their e-mails and 3. Wondering
if my room would be in the basement or on the second or third floors).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I have to admit that, selfishly, I had been hoping not to be in the
basement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, lo and behold, here I am
now, writing this from what I have affectionately dubbed The Dungeon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I actually don’t mind it so much because
despite not having AC, it’s cooler than the first floor, and my room is fairly
tiny, which is humbling and helps me to remember that many of my neighbors
don’t even get one of these tiny rooms to themselves and that some of them
don’t even have homes at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to
mention, once I brought all of my things in and set them up, it’s actually
pretty cozy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve grown accustomed to
finding spiders in every nook and cranny and have begun tallying how many I’ve
killed (16, plus some creepy centipede-like bug that crunched when I stepped on
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ew.).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve found that keeping in good humor about
everything that’s different from what I’m used to has been essential to not
feeling overwhelmed right now.<br />
<br />
After a few of my roommates helped bring everything in, my mom and I swept a
little, rearranged the furniture, and made my bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mom really wanted to do more to put
together my room for me, but we decided rather to head out to find her hotel
and get her checked in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before we left,
we took a handful of pictures and had our picture taken on the front steps of
my house by one of my roommates and his girlfriend who recently moved to
Chicago.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From there, we checked into my mom’s hotel, scouted out a
Wal-Mart to buy a few toiletries and the ingredients for cupcakes, and then set
Wanda to lead us into The Loop so my mom could experience Millennium Park.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She got to see The Bean, a few outdoor art
pieces affiliated with the Art Institute of Chicago, and the amphitheater
(which I still don’t know the name of).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing
as this was my mom’s first time in Chicago, I demanded that she try
Chicago-style deep dish pizza, and dragged her a few blocks over to
Giordano’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A family festival had just
let out in Millennium Park, packing the place with parents and children and
people of all ages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We placed our order
and then sat outside to talk for a while until we could be seated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we finally were seated, Mom and I waited
for our food by watching the opening ceremony of the Olympics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try as we might, we could <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> figure out what those egg-shaped
objects the ambassadors of sorts were carrying ahead of each team.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you know, please comment, because I think
I’ve thought about those odd things every day since last Friday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t googled it because I’ve been trying
to spend as little time on my computer as possible (says the girl writing a
5,000 word blog post…).<br />
<br />
While we were out, those of my housemates that had already moved in texted me
to see if I could or would join them for tango dancing at a studio one of my
housemates (who is actually from Chicago) goes to regularly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom and I decided to just head back to the
hotel and sleep there for the night in the end seeing as dinner ended at what
felt like 11pm for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m so very glad
I had that time with my mom, too, before she began her two-day journey back to
Chesapeake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do have to admit, though: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>some of the stories that came out of that
first night for my housemates are undeniably hilarious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Mom dropped me off at my house the next morning after we had an all-too-short
Starbucks date.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I burned a few CDs for
her for the road, and then she was off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And so it began.<br />
<br />
<b>Saturday, July 28<sup>th</sup></b><br />
Wow—already struggling to remember this day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Roommate 8 of 9 arrived that morning, and I committed to spending my
time alternating between working on setting up my room further (hanging up clothes,
arranging books, setting up surge protectors and lamps, etc.) and talking with
my roommates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although, as I said, I’d
been to this house before during my interviews, Saturday was the first day I
really recognized just how nice our house is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We have a little front yard, a somewhat larger back yard with tables and
chairs, two grills (one gas, the other charcoal), five full bathrooms, ten
rooms, a well-supplied kitchen and perishable-stocked pantry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I quickly came to the realization that living
simply in this house would be much more of a mindset until we’re committed to
the food budget and our personal stipends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our neighborhood, however, though charming, is the kind of neighborhood
you wouldn’t chance walking around alone in at night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know that I’d even try doing so alone
during the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a matter of fact, we
learned from some of the alums that we live right next to a dividing line
between two gang territories (a story for another day, perhaps).<br />
<br />
Seven of us spent the afternoon together on a wild ride out to the suburbs in
our Windstar minivan, which we’ve named “The Housewife,” so one of my roommates
could complete a craigslist deal for a road bike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This trip made me realized just how funny all
of my roommates are in their own way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laughed
so much and so hard that first day—I even cried a few times from laughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once the somewhat shady deal had been done
with a guy who turned out to be a high school kid intent on scamming my
roommate, we found a way to all fit in the car with a newly acquired rusted and
run-down road bike.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That night we made and ate our first dinner together:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>ribs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I
should note that this is not typical fare for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We simply had a few items stocked in our
freezer when we arrived.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of us had
ever grilled ribs before, much less used a gas grill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We plugged into our DSL and googled ourselves
to a solution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The roommate from Chicago
and her mother brought us a bunch of groceries from her freezer, which had been
left open during the night, causing everything to defrost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We joked that we were going to start sneaking
into peoples’ houses to “accidentally” leave their freezers open so that we
could have food donated to us regularly all year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few of my roommates are absolute whizzes in
the kitchen, and made the most delicious mustard-based marinade for the
ribs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition to the ribs, we had salad
and green curry chicken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We ate outside
at the table in the backyard, and sat talking late into the night, long after
having finished eating.<br />
<br />
When finally we did go back inside, we played a round of Spoons (a card game),
where I effectively established my house reputation as the Game Queen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t recall having been considered a card
shark at any other point in my life, but I’m not complaining!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My roommates have jokingly told everyone from
the other houses that they hate playing games with me because I always
win.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Always being, you know…once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>:p<br />
<br />
All in all, it was a wonderful night, and I remember climbing into my new bed
that night excited to wake up and become even better friends with all of the
wonderful people that had just stepped into my life.<br />
<br />
<b>Sunday, July 29<sup>th</sup></b><br />
The first thing on the agenda this morning was to pick up the last member of
our new family, roommate #9, from the Greyhound Station.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She just finished a year as a volunteer with
JVC, or the Jesuit Volunteer Corps, out in Los Angeles, so we were all eager to
add all of her wisdom to our already fun and crazy group dynamic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(As a sidenote, she and I get along really
well because she has a duck obsession that equals if not surpasses my zebra
obsession.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s love. :p)<br />
<br />
Once we picked her up, we all got dressed for our Commissioning Mass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We quickly discovered that our house is chock
full of people with musical talents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Six
or so of us headed to the North House—which is connected to St. Mary of the
Lake Catholic Church—to run through all of the music before Mass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have rarely heard such sincerely beautiful
voices in person as I did that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One
girl from South House in particular has an angelic voice that I could only
dream of having.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My favorite point(s) from the homily that day were these:</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>We must begin by recognizing that we ARE God’s
beloved—unconditionally so and by no merit of our own.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Our mission this year is to begin to play our
part in bringing about and furthering the Kingdom of God here on earth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There were so many other beautiful messages and
encouragements in the homily, but it’s already been a week and a day, so I’m
having a difficult time remembering them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s a shame, but that’s what I get for forgetting my notebook that day!
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mass ended with each of us being anointed by our respective
house coordinators and receiving a blessing from the friends and family in
attendance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a really beautiful
way to kick off our year.<br />
<br />
After Mass, we had an opening barbecue, which was full of fellowship and
delicious food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We even got to tour the
old convent North House is located in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They have their own chapel!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
have to admit that I love Little Village the most out of the three houses, but
the chapels in both the North and South Houses leave me a little green with
envy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because, you know, that’s how
chapels are supposed to make you feel… :p<br />
<br />
I wish I remembered more of this day, but the evening has already faded from
memory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I drove that day, though!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I made my way back to our house by following
memories of my Alternative Spring Break trip in March.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a Chicago driving pro now. ;)<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Monday, July 30<sup>th</sup></b><br />
Monday was Orientation Lite, in hindsight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We began with morning prayer, led by Ali, our
House Coordinator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Generally the way
morning prayer works is that we read the readings for the day (The Catholic
Church designates three readings per weekday worldwide:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a passage usually taken from the Old
Testament, a Psalm, and a passage from one of the four Gospels) and then
someone takes the lead on sharing a reflection or a song or somehow else
facilitating a morning dedication of the day to the One who brought us all
together.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
After morning prayer, two alums from Little Village 2011-2012 came by to give
us an in-depth tour of our house/resources and neighborhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were a wealth of knowledge and
experience, and I’m so thankful that they took the time to acquaint us with the
neighborhood and their favorite memories of living in Little Village.<br />
<br />
We made lunch out of the previous day’s leftovers and then carpooled over to
South House to learn how to keep track of our transportation (Cars, CTA, and
bikes).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Essentially, we have a house
stipend for travel to and from work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Each car has a clipboard inside on which we track any changes in the
odometer and the purpose of each trip out with a vehicle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we take a car out for personal use (gym, walmart,
etc.), we’re responsible for paying 25 cents per mile out of our own individual
stipend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After learning how to manage
the cars, a representative from the Archdiocese took scans of our fingerprints
and we filled out a number of forms (for loan deferment, health insurance
enrollment, and a waiver for a trip that Friday to a team building park).<br />
<br />
That night two of my housemates made the first of three dinners I’ve had this
past week with burritos as the entrée.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everyone has been so great about accommodating my lactose
intolerance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had really expected to
have to eat around the dairy in meals each night, but so far everyone’s been
mindful of each other’s dietary concerns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s more than I could have asked for, really.<br />
<br />
In fact, that night, we all decided to try out “Á Zucar”, a gelato shop that
sells two scoops for $1.50.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was able
to purchase sorbet and be included in the delicious fun because one of my
roommates graciously spoke with the store owner about dairy allergies to find
out what other options he had available.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In many ways, my roommates are spoiling me rotten with their kindness.<br />
<br />
The best parts about that day were:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a few days,
one of our roommates had been living our of her suitcase because she was still
waiting for her packages to arrive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
packages had become a legend at this point as we all endlessly joked about the
magical and absurd things we’d find in these elusive boxes if they were to ever
arrive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While most of our roommates
watched the Olympics that night, I helped her unpack and made her bed for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We even scared one of our roommates half to
death by bursting out from the inside of one of the boxes when he came in to
say goodnight.<br />
2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Playing volleyball and Frisbee in
McKinley Park just down the street from South House.<br />
<br />
<b>Tuesday, July 31<sup>st</sup></b><br />
Today’s topic was “Expectations.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We met at the Meyer Center, a building owned
and operated by the Archdiocese.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were
instructed to wear college t-shirts that day, so I had a lot of fun showing off
my Virginia Tech gear and wondering where in the world all of these tiny little
private colleges I’d never heard of were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think there’s one other person in our entire group of 33 that attended
a state college like I did.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
We began the morning with Morning Prayer led by one of the volunteers from South
House.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did a really beautiful
reflection on the Gospel and then told a personal story about discernment while
sharing “Head Full of Doubt / Road Full of Promise” by the Avett Brothers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone was thoroughly impressed, and I have
to admit it made me really nervous about leading morning prayer the next
morning!<br />
<br />
We then broke into smaller groups to have a conversation about Intentionality,
discussing opinions on three main subjects:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>money, time, and alcohol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were
numbered off into groups of three made up of one person from each house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was fascinating to me to hear what kinds
of conversations and events had taken place in the houses so much larger than
our own.<br />
<br />
We then took our bag lunches out to the Lakefront and ate alongside the
water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Upon finishing eating, we took
pictures, spelling out AMATE with our bodies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They turned out pretty well!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
can find them on the Amate House facebook page if you’re curious seeing as I
don’t have my own copy. :)<br />
<br />
When we returned to the Meyer Center, we divided up into our individual houses
and created a “Safe Space Sharing Covenant,” which is a list of guidelines for
live-giving and respectful conversation within our home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our list (a work in progress) is as follows:<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try not to limit ourselves and each
other with assumptions.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be prudent.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remain positive.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be open-minded to others’ differences.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be aware of each other’s needs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Treat each other’s
faults hopefully.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recognize and balance different types
of communication.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have patience around our relational
development.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Respect confidentiality.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Strive towards peace.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t deny someone else’s reality.<br />
+<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be courageous in vulnerability.<br />
<br />
This was more or less my first introduction to the hopes and dreams and
intentions of my roommates, and to say that I was impressed and inspired would
be the greatest understatement of my experience thus far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really am living with some of the most
beautiful people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though I am one
of this generation and comments of this sort usually come from people at least
twice my age, my roommates give me hope for the future of our mad little world.<br />
<br />
That day was made all the better when we were afforded the opportunity to meet
with the three founders of Amate House:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>John, John, and Ken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully I
will be able to share the founding story of our program sometime in the near
future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All three of the founders were
so very wise and sincerely good souls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They were so charming, humble, and eloquent and were careful to express
their gratitude to the countless people who took their dream and made it a
reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the founders even took
us through an explication of the Our Father and encouraged us to mindfully pray
it each morning as we walk into our individual service sites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope to do just that!<br />
<br />
We ended the evening with an incredible dinner prepared for us by the Amate
House staff.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today’s trivia:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did
you know my year with Amate House is the program’s 29<sup>th</sup> year? :)<br />
<br />
<b>Wednesday, August 1<sup>st</sup> </b><br />
Today was one of my roommates’ birthday!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s 23 now!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Before arriving, I had expected to be the youngest in the house, but I’m
actually the second youngest in the house because one of my super-smart
roommates skipped freshman year of high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(As a side note, I didn’t realize I had had so many expectations going
in!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whoops!)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
We began this morning at DePaul University.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was responsible for leading morning prayer, which ended up being much
more of a struggle than I expected after having led faith sharing for a number
of years now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was nervous about having
all of my new peers’ eyes on me for a time, but I’m glad I challenged myself to
do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began by having three of my
housemates read the readings for the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I then switched gears to the day’s focus:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>building community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shared two quotes about community that I
found by sifting through an archive online:<br />
1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“…a community needs a soul if it is
to become a true home for human beings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You, the people, must give it this soul.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>--<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Blessed John Paul II<br />
2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“There can be no vulnerability
without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no
peace, and ultimately no life, without community.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-- M. Scott Peck<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the quotations, I read two excerpts from a retreat
book on Ignatian spirituality called “Consoling the Heart of Jesus.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The passages focus on the dignity and unique
gifts of each and every person and our responsibility to treat them in such a
way that promotes and affirms their worth and dignity.<br />
<br />
Then, I pulled out my Hearth Stones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Some of you already know about this practice of mine that I picked up
from the Sisters of Mercy I worked with in Mississippi during an alternative
spring break.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for those of you who
don’t know, Hearth Stones are little handcrafted clay hearts with a word
engraved on them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They feature words of
“graces” such as peace, love, play, freedom, patience, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each day, I pull out a stone and try to be
prayerful and mindful throughout the day about how God manifests that grace in
my life, through others and/or through me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We did this every morning in Mississippi.<br />
<br />
For the purposes of morning prayer and its focus on building community,
however, I had everyone draw out a stone, pass it to their left, and then pray
for the person to their right to receive or make manifest the grace they had
drawn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I read the prayer I wrote:<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My Dear Sweet Lord Jesus,<br />
Thank You so much for this day!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank
You for calling each of us to be here and be present to our vocation to love
one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lead us forward this day;
show us what small merciful deeds we can enact in Your name as the Body of
Christ to bring Your kingdom to fruition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Help us to recognize the pearl of great price You have planted within
each of our hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Give us the grace to
recognize and pray hopefully for the manifestation of each other’s unique
gifts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May we always remember that each
person in this space has been endowed with a soul, a fragment of Your
kingdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Guide us to piece ourselves
together in such a way that our community becomes a living, breathing
manifestation of Your love for the world, especially the poor and marginalized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In Your name we pray.<br />
Amen.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone then passed their Hearth Stones back and we began
discussing the building blocks of community as well as sharing personal
experiences of community (both good and bad) and what those experiences led us
to believe about community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We watched
an interview with Diane Leafe Christian, the author of “Creating a Life
Together:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Practical Tools to Grow an
Intentional Community.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ms. Christian
was well-versed in the art of community building.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had done extensive research on
communities while working for a magazine about the same topic, wherein she
discovered the most important aspects for maintaining a successful intentional
community:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A common
purpose/vision/goal<br />
2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fair participatory decision-making
method<br />
3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Equal access to power</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Training/balance
of skills</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clear agreements
in writing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Accountability<br />
<br />
We created our own extensive list of aspects of a successful intentional
community and actually managed between the 33 of us to come up with just about
everything on Ms. Christian’s list and then some.<br />
<br />
We then reflected on 1 Corinthians 12:4-11, recognizing the Spirit that binds
us in our purpose despite our varied gifts and varied roles within a community.<br />
<br />
After lunch on the grounds of DePaul, we did a short optional guided meditation,
led by one of the house coordinators.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She aptly chose a meditation focused on journeys:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>ending one and beginning another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The air was fragrant with the laughter of
summer camp children as we lay in the grass and reflected on where we’d been
and where we were headed in our individual journeys.<br />
<br />
Following that reflection, we reviewed the tenets of the Amate House Covenant:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stewardship, Social Justice, Faith, Service,
and Community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our House communities,
we discussed which tenets we were most excited and anxious about.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That evening, after running through the format for Community
Nights and House Meetings, we hosted a dinner for four Amate alums.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the alums was the same who had
graciously guided me through my site interview process in May.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was great to see her again before the city
of Chicago reluctantly lets her go later this month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We opened the floor to the alum to share
their struggles, triumphs, memories, and wisdom about their year with
Amate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We learned so much and gleaned
some really exciting ideas from their experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We enjoyed their company and conversation
(and dessert!) so much we kept them late into the night.<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You’ll have to forgive my necessary ambiguity, but that
night, we experienced a disconcerting security issue that resulted in a giant
house bonding sleepover on the second floor of our new home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all responded differently to the event,
but when we all sat down to pray through our feelings, thoughts, emotions,
fears, etc. I felt at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The incident
only brought us closer together, and once again, I couldn’t help but acknowledge
just how incredible my roommates are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
blessed beyond belief.<br />
<br />
---<br />
<br />
For all of our sanity, I’m going to cut this post off here just so you guys
have a sense of what all has been happening with me but don’t want to sue the
Internet for allowing me to write so much your eyes start bleeding. ;)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love all of
you, and I hope to get a chance soon to fill you in on yet another week’s worth
of Orientation and craziness here!<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
**Also, next time I update, check back to see the pictures I
intend to add to this post! :)</div>Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-47165516136996241032012-07-31T22:01:00.001-05:002012-07-31T22:07:24.435-05:00An Introduction of SortsHi everyone!<br />
<br />
The time has finally come! After an eventful and wonderful three-day trip with my mom, I’ve arrived in Chicago. Actually, by the time you read this, I’ll have been here for at least five days! I’m still having a hard time believing it’s already here, but at the same time, I feel as if I’ve been here for months.<br /><br />In all honesty, I don’t even know where to begin. But let’s try to start with a little bit about this blog: what it has been and what I intend for it to be, yeah? Great--let’s get to it, then!
<br /><br />I’ve kept a blog off and on for the past few years (this particular one I’ve had since 2008). I started blogging when I was in 7th grade. When I first began, I tended to turn to my blog when a lot was weighing on my mind and I didn’t know how to sort through all of the thoughts clamoring for attention except to set my hands on a keyboard and start typing. I’d say the majority of the posts left in this space follow that trend. Others are simple and update you (and me after time has passed and memory has slipped) on what has transpired in my life that felt noteworthy for any number of reasons.
<br /><br />When I decided that I would keep a blog during my year serving with Amate House (I’ll call it Amate from here on out because that’s typically how we refer to it), I debated with myself on whether I’d run it through this particular blog or start a new one. In the end, I decided I wanted to be able to remember where I came from and what brought me to this year, seeing as this year isn’t just an isolated slice of my life. I want my blog to reflect my reality: that I am a composite of my past experiences, memories, thoughts, feelings, heartaches, joys, etc. Everything that has been has contributed in some way to the development of the girl that felt called to intentional community, personal spiritual development, and heartfelt service. All of that being said, this is now a shared space between you and me: feel free to peek back at some of my older posts if you’d like. Just keep in mind that, God willing, it’s all onwards and upwards from there. :)
<br /><br />As for what this blog will be, that’s really still in the works. I don’t know how often I’ll update, as my focus this year is and will remain on my community life, and sitting in my room alone writing blog posts might not always be conducive to that focus. All I know so far is that I really want to have some sort of way to communicate my experiences with all of you en masse, preserve memories, work through challenges, and wonder at my blessings. Ideally, I’ll settle into a rhythm with this blog and you’ll enjoy walking this journey with all of my housemates and me. Bear with me until we get there!
<br /><br />Now, then! Most of you reading this probably already know about Amate as we’ve likely had one or a few conversations about it. But if you don’t have any idea or you just want to better acquaint yourself with the logistics of my life for the next year, I’ve created a section on the left side of the blog with relevant links for you to click through and consider, including: the Amate House website, my job site’s website, and so on. For simplicity’s sake:
<br />+ Amate House is a post-grad volunteer program under the Archdiocese of Chicago, Catholic by affiliation, but not exclusive to other faiths.
<br />+ There are thirty-three total volunteers, divided into three separate houses: North House, South House, and Little Village.
<br />+ With 8 other volunteers (3 boys, 5 girls), I live in Little Village, a renovated split level in the Hispanic neighborhood of the same name established by a wave of predominantly Mexican immigrants in the 1980s. The other houses each have 12 volunteers and are housed in old convents.
<br />+ Each volunteer interviewed for and was eventually assigned by mutual agreement to different full-time volunteer job sites throughout the city. Our jobs are ideally at least 80% direct service, meaning we’re not simply sorting mail in the back room of a charity headquarters. Rather, we’re interacting daily with Chicago’s poor, marginalized, and underprivileged (although qualifying them as such tempts me to limit them in ways that I and the other volunteers must be mindful not to do--goodness knows circumstances and what-have-you already do enough of that).
<br />+ I will be working as the Activities Director for West Suburban Senior Services. I’m thinking I’ll do a blurb introduction of each of my housemates and fill you in on what I understand of each of their jobs later on.
<br />+ Our program is founded on five principles:
<br /> - Service
<br /> - Community
<br /> - Faith
<br /> - Social Justice
<br /> - Stewardship
<br />+ In keeping with our choice to live simply with intentionality and in solidarity with those we serve, we live off a house budget for food, house supplies, transportation, etc. Outisde of the house budget, we each receive $100 in petty cash (allowance) each month for personal expenses.
<br />+ Each house community is expected to make and eat meals together Monday through Thursday; one night a week is a designated prayer/community night led in turn by individual members of the house.
<br />+ August, our first month, is entitled Intentional August, during which we are meant to be especially intentional about developing relationships within our houses; some of my housemates gave up facebook for August, some leave their phone/computer/etc. in their room while inside the house. These decisions were made on an individual basis. I, for example, will be leaving my phone in my room while at home, only using facebook on the weekends so long as we aren’t doing something as a community, and simply spending as little time holed up alone in my room as possible.
<br /><br />I’m sure there’s so much more to tell you and a great number of questions you might have about our daily life and program, but I’ll fill in those gaps either as you ask questions or as they arise topically on the blog. Like I said: bear with me! :)
<br /><br />
I’ll leave you with all of that for now. I’ll get back to all of you again soon to fill you in on what the first few days have been like. Spoiler alert: I love my housemates. ;)
<br /><br />
Love always,
<br />Kara <3Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-72347466483149002762011-08-03T23:23:00.001-05:002011-08-03T23:54:15.348-05:00True LoveOne thought keeps resounding in my head tonight, as I think about what has led me to where I am today:<br /><br />All love stories, lasting or not, are beautiful, worthwhile, and true so long as one condition is met: they deliver you into the arms of True Love. <br /><br />After all, what is it that we cherish about the ones we love but God's presence in them? What is it that our yearning for love here on earth, among men, shows us? Our need for the love of God. That arrival into the arms of True Love happens one of two ways: through brokenness or through completion. <br /><br />Through brokenness, we are made to feel alone, so much so that only with the foundation of faith, upon which we feel mercilessly thrown--cast down, abandoned--can we recognize God's faithfulness to us. True Love desires our happiness, which allows us to believe, even when broken, that true love will do the same. Being broken, we remember to allow God to complete us, the only way we are ever truly complete. Knowing and trusting that God has a plan, and that only that plan, putting full confidence in the strength of True Love, will bring us sincere and lasting happiness, allowing us to recognize that we never knew true love or true happiness until we set our own will aside for God's will.<br /><br />Similarly (though it seems converse when we cling to and fight for our own will over God's), through completeness, we see the promise and fulfillment of True Love--true happiness, unconditional friendship, compassion, integrity, and sacrificial love--only made possible through God's will. True love will not be achieved by any without the will of True Love at the core of the relationship. Our faith in God gives us the strength to put faith in God's presence in one another, which in turn allows us to trust wholeheartedly in the love we are given (for as long as it is given)--without which we could never give fully of our own hearts.<br /><br />So I am thankful for the love that I have had, and for the love that I have lost--all of which taught me to trust in my ultimate goal: sincerely loving True Love with abandon.<br /><br />It's time for me to live up to my mantra and end all of my fears and crying about the damages to my broken heart: not faithless, but believing be. Not my will, God, but Yours be done. Fiat. Amen. Thank You for Truly Loving me despite the fickleness of my own heart.Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-61939626271901179632011-06-16T21:24:00.001-05:002011-06-16T22:12:49.593-05:00Send Me On My WayHello, hello!<br /><br />It's been about two weeks since I last posted, so I figured I should hop on and update you all! You lucky ducks. Actually, this post is mostly happening because facebook is down and goodness knows that when facebook is down, life as we know it changes. And life as we know it involves Kara NOT updating her blog regularly, so clearly: Facebook. Is. Down. :P<br /><br />In any case, the thing I'm probably most obligated to fill you in on is my internship. After the first day last week, the rest of my days at the library last week and two days this week were spent training to work the reference desk. Good times were had by all! The first two days on the desk, I just sat at the second computer clicking through the modules Connie set up on Scholar for the interns to familiarize themselves with the library. There wasn't a whole lot in there that I didn't already know because most of it you could figure out just spending a day in a library...or being a student and having to write a research paper. But the few points of interest I did learn were these:<br />+ A patron's privacy must be protected. You can't share what a patron asked about without their permission, even with your spouse, because sometimes the information they're seeking is of a very personal nature (say someone came in asking for a book about prostate cancer because someone close to them was just diagnosed).<br />+ Working reference is all about bridging the information gap: taking what the patron is actually saying and figuring out exactly what they're looking for and how best to help them. For example, say someone came in asking for "information about Ohio." But what they really want to know is the best places to go bird-watching along Lake Erie. The way you direct them for general information about Ohio and for prime birding locations would be entirely different.<br />+ Don't ask "yes" or "no" questions while working reference if at all possible. Ask open-ended questions that will draw information out of a patron to help you bridge the information gap.<br /><br />Maybe all of that is SUPER dorky, but I kind of love it. I was also taught how to work LiveRef, which is the feature on our library's website which allows you to receive help online by chatting with the librarian working the reference desk. I know how to tell if a user is an undergrad, grad, professor, etc. by looking at their information, and how to tell if they're accessing the website from an on or off-campus location by looking at their IP Address. I haven't actually run LiveRef by myself yet, but I'm looking forward to seeing if I'm actually capable of helping.<br /><br />Otherwise the reference desk is pretty neat. When a patron actually walks up and asks for help, we have a dual monitor system so that they can watch how we work Addison, the library's online catalog. That helps them figure it out for themselves next time, and helps them realize we're not just gurus...we just know our way around the resources. :) <br /><br />After I finished reading and clicking through all of the modules on Scholar, I started working on cross-checking our database/catalog of books in the collection with this month's list of published works. This is one heck of a list, guys. It's a full book itself, with 7-10 books listed and summarized on every page. What I do is type each title's ISBN into Addison and see if we actually have the book in our libraries. If we don't, I mark a little empty circle next to the title. If we do, I mark a little check. It's fascinating and wonderfully mind-numbing. You really don't have to think much at all while you do it if you don't want to. I've done upwards of 50 pages in the book so far (which is hardly an eighth of the whole thing) and am challenging myself to see how much of the book I can get through this summer. :) You wouldn't believe the prices on some of the books in this list. I've seen some that are upwards of 500 dollars. The really expensive books tend to be references like encyclopedias. It just makes me so curious about which of these books will actually be used someday (our copies specifically...although some of the titles make me wonder who would ever read those books...ever. Hahaha.). In any case, I love even the menial work involved in my internship, so that's GOTTA be a good thing! :D<br /><br />Neeeext up is updating you on the job front! I waited a week for Mill Mountain to get back to me since I was told they'd call within a few days of my interview. When I didn't receive a call, I called them Monday morning to discover that they'd picked someone else for the job and were keeping me on file in case they ended up needing someone else. Which meant that I was back to square one: more applications. Gross. I stopped in to Jimmy John's and Mike's Grill. Jimmy John's was out of applications so they told me to print one off at home and bring it in. Mike's Grill allowed me to fill one out on the spot and the lady I spoke to actually seemed interested in having me work as a waitress there in the Fall, which would be AWESOME. I love Mike's Grill, so I have a hunch I'd love working there, too. :) <br /><br />But in any case, that still left me without summer employment, which was part of the deal for me staying in Blacksburg and doing this unpaid library internship. This is where the story gets neat. Tuesday morning, I was really discouraged about the lack of a lead on a job, so I spent the morning doing laundry and watching Gilmore Girls. In the middle of those two activities, my Aunt Terri called and we discussed my job situation as well as life in general (I LOVE HER SO MUCH!) and she said she had already been praying for the job situation to work out for me, but she'd just have to pray extra hard now and have my cousin Abby do the same. As soon as I got off of the phone with her, I saw that I had an e-mail from my brother in my inbox. He had forwarded me information about a job opening for a receptionist at a local independent insurance company. I immediately sent him a thank-you e-mail and e-mailed the woman at the company who had e-mailed a friend of my brother about the job opening for her to forward. By that afternoon, I had an e-mail response and a request to call and set up a time to come in and interview. I did both immediately and went in Wednesday to meet her and talk about my application and resume. She is so so so sweet. The whole office is! It's very family-oriented, and I have a suspicion that almost everyone there is related somehow. As a military brat, seeing a company in a small town where everyone has known each other for years and years and live near enough to each other to be able to work at the same company...that just blows my mind in a good way. Haha.<br /><br />Today I went down to the office again, but this time for training. ;) I'm officially set to work all week next week 12:30-5pm. I'm so excited! Training was great, but somewhat overwhelming. I just keep reminding myself that this is a small company, so it's nowhere near as overwhelming as it could be. Take Nicole for example, who's one of at least 80 interns and just started with training this week. I can't even imagine how stressful and taxing that must be, so after training today, I still don't feel like I can properly appreciate how tough it is for her to get her bearings in that company. Praying harder for her for sure. Anyway. I was introduced to everyone in the office and then got to learn how to actually work the receptionist desk from a really friendly girl who's going to be a senior this fall at Blacksburg High. Her dad is actually a client at the insurance company, so I got to have another "SMALL TOWNS ARE SO CUTE" moment. Haha. In any case, she was so pro at the job I thought she'd been working there for a while, but she told me she's only been there since Monday! I was sincerely shocked. I hope I catch on as quick as she did. Haha. So far my favorite thing about working as a receptionist (besides the people in the office, whom I really like) is the postage machine for the mail. It weighs the mail and then puts the postage on! OKAY. FINE. Maybe that's not that fascinating. But TRUST me when I say it's fun. :D<br /><br />Okay. I'm sincerely tired and I'm still fighting with facebook so I can upload my Collegiate Girl Squad video. I'm going to cut you off from over-indulging in boring details about my life. :) I love whoever you are for reading this! <3 Until next time! :)Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-90791062267609939462011-06-07T22:10:00.000-05:002011-06-07T23:12:49.434-05:00I should have known......that I would feel like life was finally progressing past its faltering, stuttering, dissonant halt once I set foot in the library. Don't get me wrong. It's a very very subtle progression back towards happiness, but the utter abnormalcy of my new engagement with the library has been exactly the thing I needed all along to feel some semblance of normalcy. Puzzle that one out. ;P<br /><br />What I mean to say in my pretentious convoluted manner is that I started my internship in the library today, and it was absolutely and utterly incredible. I cannot even begin to explain why it was so amazing to me, but, in true Kara form, you know I'll try just the same. :)<br /><br />I woke early this morning, before 8 (this is very early for me...don't judge :P) out of sheer excitement--and the fact that Will was banging around in the kitchen, perhaps unaware of just how loud he was. Hahaha. After showering and making myself a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, I watched the first half of last night's episode of The Bachelorette (GOOD RIDDANCE BENTLEY. UGH.). This delightful diversion used up all of the extra time I had before my 10 o'clock appointment at the library, so I quickly brushed my teeth, snagged my backpack, and ran out the door. I walked to campus because I'm a romantic and that means I love to walk just about anywhere if it is a reasonable distance. Okay...no. I do love walking, but the truth of the matter is that I'm too cheap to buy a parking pass. ;) In any case, I walked to campus, which took me about 15 minutes. I tried calling my mother to catch up as I walked, but she didn't pick up. I arrived at the library 15 minutes early, so I amused myself by walking around several of the stacks on the 3rd floor (and thoroughly freaking out this poor guy who probably thought I was stalking him...whoops).<br /><br />I knocked on Connie Stovall's door promptly at 9:59AM, which, in my book, is early. Hahaha. Connie Stovall is the fabulous librarian dedicated to the liberal arts and human sciences with whom I am absolutely honored to work. She really is incredibly awesome for having both created this internship and taken all of the associated interns under her wing. I already know that I shall forever see myself as indebted to her for her generosity and kindness. Not to mention that she's very funny and encouraging. I've only interacted with her a few times so far, and I simply cannot say enough about her. If that's not a testament to her character, I don't know what else could be!<br /><br />Anyway! I knocked on her door, and she greeted me quickly and apologized because our appointment had snuck up on her and eluded her calendar (which I am quickly learning is very dynamic and extremely essential to librarianship). In true form, she immediately set aside what she had been working on and gave me a tour of the library's 6 floors, introducing me to countless other librarians and library professionals along the way. Ohhhhmygoodness. My heart was racing at first, but I quickly fell into pace with everything going on around me. Everyone is so quirky and funny and genuinely nice. I only remember a few of their names, but I'm going to sincerely try to acquaint myself even better with the majority of them, and hopefully help them when I can be of assistance! Connie really wants this internship to be valuable to those interested in librarianship in that she wants our experience to be as varied and wide-ranging as possible, having us take on projects in all sorts of realms of librarianship...some of which I didn't even know existed!<br /><br />Perhaps one of the funniest things that happened while we made our rounds of introductions was meeting Carolyn Meier and laughing with her and Connie about the library's recent acquisition of several books in the Gossip Girl series, and how they simply could NOT be put in the American Literature stacks. Hahahahaha. I about died. They defended them by saying they were fun to read, but it was just too funny that that was the most that could be said for them. I might end up being involved in a project aimed at evaluating the current juvenile fiction section, as well as the pop fiction section. I might even get to help pick which books are on display on the second floor--the stacks you see directly on your right after the computers when you enter the library along the alumni mall or across from War Memorial Chapel! How cool is that?! I am beyond excited about how great all of this is going to be.<br /><br />I also had the pleasure of meeting Paul Metz, whom I discovered is the husband of Nancy Metz who does invaluable work for the English Department here. When he discovered that I intend to go to library sciences school, he inquired where I was thinking of going. I immediately responded that I was thinking about UNC Chapel Hill, at which point he stopped me and said, "Think no more." Hahaha. Connie informed me that he did his undergraduate work at UNC, and I have to admit that perfectly explained the utterly smitten look on his face and the way he placed his hand on his heart the moment I said the school's name. You can call me silly, but it was kind of a magical moment for me which made me feel very secure in my decision to apply there! :)<br /><br />Other highlights of my tour included learning about "Dinosaur Alley" which I won't disclose the meaning of here; actually getting to see "The Important Floor" AKA the 6th Floor "where everything happens" which allowed me to confirm my suspicion that there are vending machines on the 6th floor (I knew that reddish eerie glow I could see from my dorm room all last year had to be a Coca-Cola vending machine! :P); and getting to take a very brief and exclusive tour of the Special Collections (where I got to see Virginia Tech's incredibly aged books, including their Civil War collection...they also have a really fascinating collection that is out of copyright, so they cannot share it and I probably can't talk about it. Gosh. It was all just so cool! I'm the biggest nerd in the world. Hahaha.<br /><br />It's midnight now, so I should be getting some sleep to prepare for tomorrow! :D I get to learn all about working the reference desk tomorrow as well as go through several intern tutorials! WOOOHOOOO. Day 2, here I come! <3<br /><br />Before I go, though, here are the non-library-related highlights of my day:<br />- Dinner with Catie and Alex and Alex's unfortunate D2 meatloaf<br />- The awkward boys who thought they were being subtle about talking about me and watching me two tables away (usually I'm oblivious to these things, but I caught them out of the corner of my eye and then realized just how obvious they were being. Almost as bad as the two boys that took a picture of me with their cell phone as they drove past on I-95 on Saturday! I will never ever understand. :P)<br />- Sneaking up on Winfield at the drink fountain<br />- Seeing Lyndsay from across the dining hall and running to her to get a hug after seeing her super-happy face <3<br />- Figuring out who I want to dress up as for the Harry Potter Premiere (it's a secret for now ;D)<br />- Aaaand finally....watching the Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice for the first time ever. Oh. My. Gosh. So much better than the Keira Knightley version! Be still my beating heart. <3<br /><br />I dearly love the two of you that I know read this blog! ;) Let's hope I actually update again soon! Until then. <3Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-5833728581907857252011-05-27T02:07:00.000-05:002011-05-27T02:54:05.794-05:00My Life Right Now...is a huge mess. I won't even pretend it's something else. Those of you who know me well enough to know why are the only ones that read this blog, so I won't outright say why. But let's just say it's a justified mess. It has been more than a month (1 month and 12 days to be exact) since the mess-causing incident, and few of those days have been tearless. It's so frustrating. I want to be happy, but I know that I physically and emotionally just CAN'T be. So in that sense, I don't want to be. Because it's part of the healing process, part of getting back to me minus the best friend I have ever had. My life is just one huge Catch-22 right now; I tell myself, "Don't think of him." which, of course, makes me think of him. And then when I try not to think of anything at all, I think of him. And I have to come to terms with the fact that that's okay. That I'm allowed to miss him with all of my heart. I gave him my whole entire heart, and I had it handed back to me in pieces. I'm allowed to not be okay. I just keep reminding myself of Ecclesiastes 3: "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under Heaven...A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance." So I'll weep and mourn. It sounds dramatic, but it's what I feel, and anyone who has loved and lost to the extent that I have can understand that.<br /><br /><br />One thing that's for sure in this crazy storm my life has become (the English major in me has been loving the pathetic fallacy of Blacksburg raining and thunderstorming several times every single day) is that I have to open my eyes again. I have to re-realize all of the ways in which God blesses my life. And He does. Oh my goodness, does He. I have the most incredible friends a girl could ever ask for--they cry with me and laugh with me, they "walk" me home from movies by phone when I'm sobbing my eyes out in public at 11:30 at night on the busiest street in town, they talk me out of decisions that we both know will just end up hurting me more, they listen to all of the pointless and inconsequential stories that I no longer know who to tell. They just invest their hearts into my wellbeing whenever they can. They open themselves up to being channels of God's love in my life. And that has been my saving grace.<br /><br />I keep trying to figure out how to "move forward" or "move on" from this. But my heart is putting up such a resistance to it. So I know that what I really need to do is just spend time with the memories of what I've lost (present, past, and future) and cherish them for what the were--the most beautiful days of my life thus far. Effortlessly perfect just because he was there. I trusted him completely and entirely, and he never ever let me down. I still trust him, still believe in him. We had a conversation once in response to one of Father John's homilies about how every person's goal should be to be a saint. I'm pretty sure I was too directionless at that point to really know what I wanted to be a patron saint of and ended up saying something about being the patron saint of hugging or high-fiving, but he knew his right away. He wanted to be the Patron Saint of North American Painters. Maybe that's not the exact semantics of it, but the point is, he knew. And I sincerely believe that's where he's headed. No one with a heart as big as his ends up anything less than a saint.<br /><br />And THAT is why it's so hard to move on. You don't just forget or replace someone like that. They change you, they change your life, they change your world...and from that point on, everything is redefined. Having your world redefined by someone who has removed themself from it is complicated. It involves redefining your world, your life, yourself on your own, which, may I just say, is no small thing. It's going to be years before I fully come to grips with what has passed. I'm hoping the tears stop before then, but I'm trusting that God has a plan, that He can help me make the most of this redefinition of my world, and help me to be the beautiful woman of God my soul so yearns to be but isn't. WIth or without him, I had a long way to go. With him, it felt more plausible and closer, but, God and I will make this work. It's the nature of the world to throw curveballs. But God's all-time catcher: He's always ready and prepared to help you call the next shot. (Let's be honest, I have NO idea if that's even a proper analogy because as much as I love throwing and catching baseballs, I still don't REALLY know the game...but I was on a roll. Forgive me. :P).<br /><br />In any case, that's the state of my life right now on the emotional front--accepting my appointed time of weeping and mourning, desiring the happiest of endings: being God's girl through and through.<br /><br /><br />Fiscally (wow, rocky segue), my life is also a mess. I got an internship with the library for the summer, but it's unpaid and only 10 hours per week. Therefore, I've been trying really hard since the end of the semester to land a summer job that can support my long-anticipated Blacksburg Summer. Nothing has actually panned out yet. I was a traitor to Moe's and actually had an interview at Chipotle (it was a whirlwind as to how that happened, and a good story) but it didn't result in being hired (yet?). I might end up being a Chipotle convert (how's that for redefining your life? :P). I've applied at way too many other places to count. Let's try, though!<br />1. Books-A-Million! as a barista for their café.<br />2. Starbucks on Main.<br />3. Starbucks on University City Boulevard.<br />4. Edible Arrangements.<br />5. Poor Billy's<br />6. Big Al's<br />7. Mill Mountain Coffee<br />8. 622 North*<br />9. PK's*<br />19. Ceritano's*<br />11. Chipotle<br />12. Bookholder's*<br />13. Ben & Jerry's<br />14. Student Services Office<br />15. VT Food Service Wage Pool<br />16. The Grove (President's Home at VT)<br /><br />I think that's it. The few starred ones are the ones that I picked up an application from but have not yet returned the application TO the restuarant/company. It's driving me nuts that I've heard nothing from a single one of these, though. It's a lot! Oh well. Trusting that everything will work out for the best.<br /><br />In other news, I'm going home. Because this job thing just isn't working out yet, I don't need to be in Blacksburg...so I'm not going to be. I can't wait to be home for a few days before my internship starts. I miss my family a lot a lot a lot. <3<br /><br /><br />Aaaand, that's all I'm going to write for now because I'm TIRED. It's 3:45 in the morning because I was keeping the lovely Ms. Catie company while she worked on her Industrial Design summer lab homework. She's amazing. At life. And drawing the soles of shoes, too! And forgetting to press buttons in elevators! Amazing. ;)<br /><br /><br />Aaaanyway. Goodbye for now! Let's cross our fingers that I update again soon. :)Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-85035949148141949152010-08-09T22:34:00.001-05:002010-08-09T22:34:18.560-05:00New DormOh my wow. It feels so so so weird to be back in Blacksburg. I feel like I left just yesterday! There are so many things about this semester and year that are going to be different from last year. First off, I have four shiny new keys on my keyring. That's RA power for ya. ;) I got up way early this morning and just got back from Despicable Me with my Dad, Chad, and Chewie, so I'm kinda extremely pooped. Gotta find stuff for the beds and get some sleep, but I'll edit this tomorrow to be more exciting and less "blah blah blah."<br /><br />KAY.<br /><br />Bye until the edit!<br /><br /><3Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-62183640232761415892010-08-08T23:42:00.001-05:002010-08-09T00:06:20.704-05:00Dying for SimplicityHello! :)<br /><br />So, I've been thinking for a long long time about simplicity. About what that would mean for me in my life. The way I see it, a simple life is one free of useless distractions to the effect of being able to devote all of your time to loving and serving other people. It would mean cutting back my possessions to only the necessities and/or those things that I need/could use to help others. This has been something on my heart for much too long for me to have done so little about it. So, I'm really hoping that when I get out to school, as I'm arranging my room, I can go through my things and weed out the unnecessary. Goodness knows what I'll do with those things, but I'll assume there's a CHKD or Salvation Army somewhere around. :) I just think it's time for me to act on something that God's definitely been calling me to. I want to rise to the challenge and take that step. It's kind of exciting, really!<br /><br />In other news, I leave bright and early tomorrow morning to go back to school for Fall Semester. I start RA training Tuesday evening, and it's basically going to rule my life for the next couple of weeks, which shouldn't be TOO bad. ;P I'm desperately nervous about moving in tomorrow. I have wayyy too much stuff (all the more reason to make this simplicity thing really happen! :D). It's going to be LOADS of fun showing Chewie around campus, though! She's going to love it. I just know it. :) I can't wait to introduce my dad and Chewie to Father John, too! I hope he's around the House. If not, I'll just have to have them come up on a Sunday during the school year. :) <br /><br />Last, but DEFINITELY not least, my dad fine-tuned my bike today! I'm so so so excited to get out and start riding! I'm having the hardest time coming up with a name for her, though. Help? :)<br /><br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">smelled</span>: heavenly German noodles, called Spätzle, which are pretty much my favorite food...ever.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">tasted</span>: Daddy-grilled steak for the first time in much too long. Absolutely delicious and the PERFECT send-off meal. :)<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">saw</span>: 8 gabillion people at Wal*Mart raiding the school supplies to take advantage of tax-free weekend. :P I also saw extremely frazzled Wal*Mart employees. <br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">touched</span>: the last Skinny Dip bowl and spoon I'll be able to for quite some time. We officially need a legit frozen yogurt bar out at school...do we already?<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">heard</span>: my new phone fail at life as it insisted on playing one of its dumb default ringtones instead of "Somewhere Beyond the Sea." I want my old phoneeee. :(<br /><br />Loooooove,<br />Kara<br /><br />PS. The next time I write a post, it'll be from my new dorm room! WOOOHOOOOOO!Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-23097467400739549752010-08-07T23:13:00.000-05:002010-08-07T23:31:40.829-05:00MatadorFirst of all, I am way way way too tired to be writing this, so bear with me. :P I just got back from a Counting Crows and Augustana concert, which was pretty fabulous except for one little thing...<br /><br />NOTAR. Yes, Notar. I will never, ever really understand rap. I mean, I'm super impressed with some rappers' ability to "spit a rhyme" in the blink of an eye. I still have to use a rhymezone.com when I'm working on a spoof poem or anything that involves a rhyme scheme of some sort. This rapper hails from the Big Apple, and is, as most rappers are, quite full of himself. He paraded around stage, shaking to the music at such to such a rapid rhythm it literally looked like he was being gunned down by a machine gun. Suuuuper awkward to watch if I may say so myself. Plus, he had this song about a matador (if you don't believe me, go to his <a href="http://myspace.com/notarmusic">myspace</a>), and as he rapped it, he actually pulled this towel out of his pocket and started shaking it at his bandmate/singer/whateveryoucallthelessimportantguyinarapgroup. He faked being a bull. I mean. Seriously. This guy was out of control. Not to mention that during the encore when Augsutana and Counting Crows were jamming and having a blast, he was tipping back a beer front and center on stage. Don't get me wrong, guys, I'm SURE he's a lovely person. I just find it interesting that you can make a living doing what he does. :P<br /><br />My family helped me finish cutting out my care bears today! I have the best family ever. Haha. :)<br /><br />I'm seriously way way way too tired to think right now, so I'm done for the night! :P Sorry for this lame post. Cheer yourself up with some Matador. ;P<br /><br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">smelled</span>: the sickly sweet sappy air of a lingering cigar. The smell always simultaneously repulses me and makes me nostalgic.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">tasted</span>: an Otis Spunkmeyer Blueberry Muffin. There's just something weird and wrong to me about individually wrapped muffins. Thoughts? :P<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">saw</span>: a five-lined skink. Benny informed me that it's half amphibian half reptile...funky.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">heard</span>: awesome live music. To which I sang/screamed along and lost my voice. :) I love the Counting Crows. <br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">touched</span>: scissors so many times my right hand is actually bruised. Wow.<br /><br />Bye for now, lovelies. :) I have ONE day until I go back to school. WHAT.Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-49254863649794178692010-08-06T23:09:00.000-05:002010-08-06T23:36:57.486-05:00Streamofconsciousness...Helloooo. :) I would apologize for not writing a blog last night, but given what I <span style="font-style:italic;">was</span> doing instead, I don't really actually feel sorry. ;D Last night somewhere around 10:30, I received the first of many HIWELCOMEHOMEWEMISSEDYOUSOMUCH hugs from my dad, who's just returned from a year-long tour of duty in Iraq. And, well, anyone reading this who really knows me knows that 10:30, or even 11:30 when we returned home from the airport, is not so late for me that I wouldn't be able to get a blog up. However, I was spending time with my whole entire 9-person-plus-one-dog family crammed into our little kitchen. :) <br />As soon as everyone else ran off to bed, I ran TO my bed, but not to sleep. Rather, I curled up with my laptop and spent three hours putting together a video of my dad's return from Iraq, which, if you're friends with me on facebook, you may have already seen. Needless to say, I fell fast asleep while the video was exporting to my computer from iMovie, and thus, my friends, no blog yesterday. <br />I definitely considered writing a post today for last night and editing the time to make it look like it was from last night, but, well, we all expected me to fail BEDA anyway, so I figured I might as well meet your expectations. ;) That's not to say I'm not going to keep trying to blog for the rest of August, but I missed a day now, so it won't be perfect. Boo. :(<br />In other news, I should point out that I deserve a round of applause for cheating the US Mail system. I completely abused the privilege that is a postcard by writing on both sides of the divide and cramming the mail-to address up in the top corner where <span style="font-style:italic;">hopefully</span> the angel sorting the mail would see it. I received confirmation that my postcard arrived safe and sound today, so I'm happy. :)<br />I spent all day today working on the nametags for the girls living on my half of the hall. I do believe I informed the lot of you that I finally made up my mind to stick with the care bears, so, I was cutting, pasting, tracing, freehand drawing, penknifing, taping, and gluing all day. Usually around this time of year, I literally ache to go school supply shopping. After today (and tomorrow, most likely), I'll probably want to run screaming in the other direction the next time I catch sight of that part of Wal*Mart (which I do, um, daily :P). Seriously. My hand is cramping from so much use of scissors. Gah.<br />Okay, the whining doesn't give you a fair indication, but I had a fabulous day. :) It started with waking up after getting somewhere around four hours of sleep because we all thought I was needed to drive one of our cars to the dealership, but, after thoroughly waking up, it was decided my services were unnecessary. I dithered for a bit and then kicked myself in the butt to go to Mass. Which, I'm so so so glad I did because today was the first Friday of the month, which means (OMG FATTY FRIDAY KATIE. Ahem. Excuse us.) that we had an Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. :) All of the Knights were out in full gear, swords and all. I love First Fridays so much. And not just for the chocolate silk pie.<br />Wow. I'm all over the place tonight, so I'm just gonna stop while I'm (not) ahead. :P<br /><br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">smelled</span>: sautéed onions at 11:00pm when my mom and dad came home and started preparing the Polish food my grandpa made and packed for them. :)<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">tasted</span>: said Polish food, which was okay without sour cream, but AWESOME with. ;P Of course. <br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">touched</span>: a glue stick for the first time in a looong time.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">saw</span>: the Jonas LA episode that airs Sunday night (I love On Demand!). I wish someone could psychoanalyze me and figure out just why I'm so enthralled by the Jonas Brothers. :P<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">heard</span>: Sheryl Crow singing with Hannah Montana? Funky. But I do love me some Sheryl. :)<br /><br />Bye for now, loves! <3Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-79564809182119157912010-08-04T22:27:00.001-05:002010-08-04T22:47:07.244-05:00ThoughtfulOn the eve of the very end of my father's deployment, my mind is so full of just SO much. I really can't verbalize much of what I'm thinking or feeling about anything going on in my life right now. I'm pensive. And, usually, that'd be a good thing for this blog. When I have a lot on my mind, this is where that "lot" usually ends up--jumbled and confusing, sure, but it ends up here nonetheless. However, tonight, I somehow just can't find the words to say what it is I'm thinking. There are so many things going on in my life right now, both ugly and beautiful. Maybe these things will find their way onto these "pages" at some point in the near future, but maybe not. In any case, it would seem to me, that although it can be overwhelming, pensiveness is a thing to rejoice in. It does us good to close our mouths--or stop our fingers from moving across a keyboard--sometimes. It does us good to just <span style="font-style:italic;">be quiet</span> and really <span style="font-style:italic;">listen</span>. So that's what I'm doing tonight, loves. I'm sorry if that seems to be a copout, but I promise I don't intend it to be.<br /><br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">saw</span>: a beautiful silent lightning storm. Crazy, considering the Mother Angelica episode I was watching tonight made mention of just such a storm.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">heard</span>: the words, "Daddy is coming home tomorrow." with definite promise. <br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">tasted</span>: Bubble Tape. You know, the little pink package with the super sugary gum inside? Mmmm. :) Tastes like 4th grade.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">smelled</span>: the eight-thousand little hand lotions Chewie made me test to see if I liked enough to keep as she attempted to clean off her dresser.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">felt</span>: a tight, loving hug from each of the little siblings I'm going to miss so much while I'm at school. Trying desperately not to take any of it for granted.<br /><br />Goodnight, loves. And God bless you, whether you know it or not. ;) <3Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-18085233282640121462010-08-03T23:14:00.000-05:002010-08-04T00:18:42.079-05:00Kara--The Boss Lady, The Thug, The Resident AdvisorAs you may have gathered from my last blog post, I'm going to be an RA for at least the next year at Virginia Tech. Now, I understand that this might come as a surprise to some of you, considering what you know about me, including how shy I am, how unimposing I try to be, and how, well, let's face it, <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">AWKWARD</span></span> I am. It's okay, guys. I'm just as shocked as you in some ways. But perhaps none of us were as shocked as my dad. I distinctly remember telling him I got the job; his immediate response was, "Wait...you?! Of all my daughters [of which he has three], I would have pegged you last as likely to be an RA." Haha. Thaaaanks, Dad. ;)<br /><br />But at the same time, there are a lot of things about myself that I think fit the job. For one, I have this incessant need to be friends with, well, everyone. I love getting to meet and know people. Secondly, more than anything else in the world, I <span style="font-style:italic;">love</span> getting to help people, and as an RA, that pretty much is the overarching job description. Maybe it sounds silly, but I love having to drop everything I'm doing to help someone else with something they're working on. It may not always turn out so well for me and what <span style="font-style:italic;">I</span> had been working on before the desperate plea for help, but, in the grander scheme of things, that doesn't matter all that much to me. Third thing worth mentioning? I have a ridiculous imagination. Maybe you wouldn't have thought that necessary to be an RA, but, from my experience so far, it's been quite a huge help. Please, take a seat. Maybe go grab a snack, too. When I get going, I really don't stop writing. Let me explain just how my imagination has related to my job thus far.<br /><br />When I first started speculating about taking the job, I turned to my friend Maggie to discuss just what it would be like for me to be an RA. Of course, for us, that meant coming up with what it would be like to be an RA if she were at the same school as me. What we came up with was absolutely ridiculous. It involved doing rounds wearing sheriff badges, boots with spurs, and vests. We played out this hilarious scenario in our heads to the point that we were both gasping for lack of breath from laughing so hard.<br /><br />Apparently, however, I wasn't done dreaming about ridiculous scenarios for what it would be like for me to be an RA. Stumped about what to write about tonight, I turned to a few people for suggestions. One such person, who claims he didn't want me to recognize him publicly for his involvement in my shenanigans, was half of the mastermind behind what follows.<br /><br />Since yesterday, I have officially decided to run with the Care Bears name tag ideas, joking that the girls on my half of the hall could be Kara's Bears (yeah, yeah, I know. That's not exactly a testimony to my imagination. Just wait.). When I admitted the ridiculousness of my "Kara's Bears" ideas to He-Who-Chose-Not-To-Be-Named, he remarked "...You're the boss and you can do whatchu want!" And, therefore, dear readers, THIS is, apparently, what I want:<br /><br />+ Kara's Bears will refer to me as Boss Lady and say "Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am."<br />+ Better yet, they will refer to me as Mama Bear. Um. Yeah.<br />+ I will always wear a tweed jacket and have an unlit cigar hanging out of my mouth.<br />+ When I walk down the hall, any Bear I pass will stop in her tracks, utter only where she was going and with whom she was going with to that place, and then carry on her way.<br />+ Any time there is more than two Bears in the bathroom, more specifically the shower stalls, they will be required to sing a Disney song in three-part harmony<br />+ Each Bear must list me as their mother on Facebook<br />+ At the end of each week, each Bear will be expected to tell me something they've learned that week in school<br /><br />After only a few weeks (maybe even just days!) of my absolute tyranny as Boss Lady/Mama Bear, my Bears will be so terrified, they will start going to my building coordinator with testimonies such as the following:<br /><br />It's Sunday afternoon. A tearful Funshine Bear walks into the building coordinator's office, sits down in an overstuffed armchair and begins sobbing, leaving mascara <span style="font-style:italic;">all over</span> the chair's fabric. Mr. Building Coordinator tentatively hands her a tissue, seemingly afraid to get too close, perhaps imagining her weepiness to be contagious. She accepts the tissue and begins blubbering, without being prompted, "This one time, I was just in my room, painting my fingernails, and Mama Bear--"<br />Mr. Building Coordinator cuts her off, "I'm sorry, who?"<br />Funshine Bear looks up at him from the wrinkles of her soggy tissue and says in a matter-of-fact tone, "My RA, Kara. That's what she makes us call her."<br />"She makes you--"<br />Funshine Bear cuts <span style="font-style:italic;">him</span> off this time. After all, she's Funshine Bear and not Perfect & Polite Panda, "Can I please just finish?"<br />Mr. Building Coordinator, taken aback, simply nods. Funshine Bear blows her nose into her tissue once more and then continues,<br />"Thank you. As I was saying, I was just sitting in my room, minding my own business, painting my nails, when all of a sudden Mama Bear stormed in without knocking or announcing herself, snatched the bottle of polish, and crushed it under her steel-toed combat boots, shrieking something about how the color was too similar to her own to be tolerated while I was living under <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">her</span></span> roof!" <br />Funshine Bear bursts into tears as she relives the memory, and, at this point, Mr. Building Coordinator is so terrified of Mama Bear himself, he refuses to confront her for fear of having <span style="font-style:italic;">his</span> bottle of nail polish crushed underfoot, never mind the fact that he's a man and doesn't indulge in painting his nails...often.<br /><br /><br />Um. Yeah. So, there you are. Maybe I'm not so qualified for this job after all. But I've got training in a week, so we'll see by then, won't we? :) Before I'm too embarrassed to give publishing this a second thought, I'm just going to go ahead and fill out my Sense Survey for the night and click "Publish Post". :P<br /><br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">smelled</span>: chili simmering on the stove while I read <span style="font-style:italic;">Emma</span> in my bedroom. Apparently my sense of smell is clairvoyant. Remember how I thought last night's dinner was chili? Well, tonight's actually was. :P<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">saw</span>: that Penelope is available to Watch Instantly on Netflix! So exciting. I haven't seen that yet. :)<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">tasted</span>: a spoonful of Red Velvet Cupcake frozen yogurt from the Skinny Dip that Chewie brought home after work and offered to share with me. :)<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">heard</span>: Father John's Easter Sunday homily! His homilies are now available for free through iTunes <a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/father-johns-homilies-at-virginia/id359572016">HERE</a>. :D Geeking out. :)<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">felt</span>: the weight of an inky fountain pen in my hand and remembered what it feels like to handwrite a letter. Pure euphoria. :)<br /><br />That's all for now, lovelies! Thanks for putting up with my craziness. :) Mama Bear OUT.Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-50399722218781413612010-08-03T00:16:00.000-05:002010-08-03T00:40:49.850-05:00PerfectionistDear Blog,<br />I. Am. A. Perfectionist. Seriously. It's disgusting. While discussing this with my mom today, we determined that we are 100% sure we have <span style="font-style:italic;">absolutely no idea</span> from whom I got this trait. We definitely know it wasn't either one of my parents. Neither of them were fantastic students, although they're both brilliant in their own respects--my mother in compassion, forgiveness, and motherhood; and my father in common sense, fix-it knowhow, and fatherhood. Do you want proof of my perfectionism? Well, even if you don't, I have a story (or three) for you.<br /><br />Story number one. As you well know, my dad gets home from Iraq in just a few short days. To welcome him home, my family is creating a large banner on a blank white sheet we bought at Wal*Mart. My mom hinted that I would be the designer behind this project, so I dragged Chewie along to Michael's, where we bought red and blue paint, as well as yellow ribbon and some military camouflage print duct tape Chewie insisted upon. Upon arriving home, we spread the sheet out onto the dining room table. Chewie immediately got out two paper plates and dumped the paint onto them. I, on the other hand, snatched a ruler from the kitchen and began determining the height and width of each letter in each word we intended to paint onto the sheet. My mother and Chewie stared at me blankly before deciding that I was out of my mind for trying to make the letters so neat. After that, every time I tried to make a suggestion or raise a concern about the plausibility of the ideas they were proposing, I was shot down for "being too complicated." As a result, I became very frustrated and decided to walk away from the project for a little while. I felt like an utter jerk for having made something that was supposed to bring us all together tear us apart instead. I just couldn't work with the idea of not trying our absolute best to make the banner perfect for my dad. When I came back to see what my mom and Chewie had done so far, it looked pretty darn good, and they'd even taken some of my suggestions, such as alternating letter colors between blue and red and mapping out the space required for each letter. Funny how they're willing to take my suggestions after I walk away, hm? ;) So in any case, I sat down with the banner a little while later and began to add my own perfectionist touch to it, tweaking smudges into straight lines and lining the letters to give a 3-D pop to the words. I just couldn't leave well enough alone. SIgh.<br /><br />Story number two. As an RA, I have to make name tags for each girl who will live on my half of the hall this semester/year. We are charged with the responsibility and given the freedom to come up with our own ideas and designs for said nametags. WELL. I was originally going to do something simple, like quality printed images of cartoon characters or the like. Then, that not being good enough, I changed my mind to designing individualized rubber duckies on foam cut-outs. Today, I finally settled on the idea of crocheting a smiley-faced fried egg for each girl's name tag. It's absolutely bonkers. I have at least 36 girls under my domain, which means 36 hand-crocheted fried eggs. Not to mention I planned to hand-embroider each girl's name to her egg. Umm. WHAT. I've done TWO so far (without even having stitched on the faces, and my hand is utterly exhausted. Really. What am I doing to myself?<br /><br />None of this is helped by the fact that I think I've changed my mind about my design...yet again. I'm thinking Care Bears now, as a play off of my unoriginal nickname Kara Bear. Each of them can have a different bear, assuming there are at least 36 different care bears. Heck if I know. Hahaha. I'll have to do some research! But ONE thing is for sure: I am NOT hand-crocheting care bears. ;P Who knows if I'll even switch to this idea. I'm a mess.<br /><br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">heard</span>: some of the most ridiculous stories come out of my siblings' mouths. I'm going to miss them.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">smelled</span>: acrylic paints. Not unpleasant, but odd just the same.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">touched</span>: so much yarn my hands feel dry and achey.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">saw</span>: <span style="font-style:underline">The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe</span> paired with French subtitles that I read aloud while making fried eggs.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">tasted</span>: fresh-from-the-oven brownies. Yummm. :)<br /><br />Until tomorrow, lovelies!Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-27778038048118491072010-08-01T23:39:00.000-05:002010-08-03T22:46:03.637-05:00BEDA, I hope.Well, hello! It's been quite a summer for me here in flat, sunny, humid Chesapeake. Sounds lovely, hmm? Well, it was, no sarcasm intended. :) Unfortunately, however, my summer is just about up. I can officially feel the clock ticking down. I leave...IN A WEEK. Holy moly. Seriously. When did that happen? I must admit I'm excited, but, at the same time it came WAY too soon.<br /><br />In more exciting news, my dad returns home this week! It should be around Thursday or Friday, MAYBE Wednesday. I can't believe it's officially been (more than) a year since he left for Iraq. We're all so proud of him, but even MORE excited that he's finally coming home! A lot has changed since he's been gone. For starters, Chad's dating someone! And someone fantastic at that. She's so sweet! In fact, I'll be seeing her bright and early tomorrow morning at 8AM because she's coming to surprise Chad on her only day off from work. Quel adorable! ANYWAY. Many things have changed for us since my dad left, but I'm hoping he transitions very smoothly back into life here at home. :) In the very least, I hope he's still got his knack for discipline, because my younger siblings are getting out of hand with the backtalking. Time for the Man of the House to lay down the law again. Hahaha. They're still the cutest, most loving kids ever, though, so I suppose they'll do. We'll keep them a little longer. ;)<br /><br />I've just started reading "Emma" by Jane Austen again for the second time! That does not mean that I've read it before, but rather that I've <span style="font-style:italic;">started</span> to read it before. Hahaha. I have a feeling I'll make it through this time because I'm more obsessed with Jane than I was before (believe it or not!). Once I'm finished with that, it's on to Northanger Abbey, Persuasion, and Mansfield Park. And then I will officially have read all of Jane Austen's published works! :) Super exciting if I may say so myself! And I do! Haha.<br /><br />As you may have guessed from the title (or already know because you're Katie and you're the only person who reads my blog anyhow...HI KATIE), I'm going to try to Blog Every Day in August! We'll see if it actually happens. You guys know I absolutely rot at trying to keep promises about blogging. But if SOMEONE (hinthint) would remind me every day, it'd be easier to remember! :)<br /><br />In the BEDA spirit, as suggested by HayleyGHoover, I'm now going to make my sense list of the day:<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">smelled</span>: chicken patties, which smelled like chili from upstairs. Strange sensation.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">touched</span>: the back of my oldest little brother's new buzzcut, which is one of the most spectacular feelings in the world. Seriously. Go find someone with a buzzcut and rub the back of their head. Thank me later. :P<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">tasted</span>: delicious Skinny Dip frozen yogurt--milk chocolate with diced strawberries and chocolate sprinkles. Mmmm.<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">heard</span>: our angelic pianist at Church sing for the first time. It gave me shivers. So beautiful!<br />Today, I <span style="font-weight:bold;">saw</span>: two girls walking in the middle of the road, whom I glared at incredulously and promptly felt bad about and wished I could find in my neighborhood to apologize to. Sigh. :(<br /><br />Bye for now, loves! <3Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-55744117654092434132010-06-10T23:27:00.000-05:002010-06-10T23:38:11.960-05:00HarmonyI've realized more and more lately that just as much as I love to sing along with the melody of a song, I instead choose to sing my own made-up harmony to go along. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like that's really indicative of the kind of girl I am. I define myself by my relationships with others, the way our lives, our cadences, dance around one another. Without someone else, I am off-kilter, awkward, distracting. But toss in a melody? A friend? I find my way again and together we make something beautiful.<br />The funny thing about a harmony, though, is that--in a way--it's unnecessary. I mean...I can't count on just my own two hands the number of songs in Church that have harmonies that no one knows of. The melodies are just fine on their own without them. Interesting, no? I don't really know how to define myself outside of living for other people. I feel like I lose my purpose...which makes sense considering a harmony's purpose is to play off and enhance a melody.<br />Luckily for me, I always have Someone willing to be my melody. Someone who knows just which notes to play so that I can follow along. He throws in crescendos, sforzandos, and trills all for good measure, creating a song that always leaves me smiling. When I learn how to be perfectly in sync with the melody He's writing, my life will finally fall into line. <br />Until then, I just have to remember: practice makes perfect.<br /><br />I'm just a happy little harmony. <3Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-55718305781988159442010-01-08T22:18:00.000-06:002010-08-03T09:20:01.257-05:00GratitudeSend some rain, would You send some rain?<br />'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again<br />And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade<br />Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?<br />Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down<br />Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid<br />But maybe not, not today<br />Maybe You'll provide in other ways<br />And if that's the case . . .<br /><br />We'll give thanks to You<br />With gratitude<br />For lessons learned in how to thirst for You<br />How to bless the very sun that warms our face<br />If You never send us rain<br /><br />Daily bread, give us daily bread<br />Bless our bodies, keep our children fed<br />Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight<br />Wrap us up and warm us through<br />Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs<br />Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time<br />Or maybe not, not today<br />Maybe You'll provide in other ways<br />And if that's the case . . .<br /><br />We'll give thanks to You<br />With gratitude <br />A lesson learned to hunger after You<br />That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread<br /><br />Oh, the differences that often are between<br />What we want and what we really need<br /><br />So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace<br />Move our hearts to hear a single beat<br />Between alibis and enemies tonight<br />Or maybe not, not today<br />Peace might be another world away<br />And if that's the case . . .<br /><br />We'll give thanks to You<br />With gratitude<br />For lessons learned in how to trust in You<br />That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream<br />In abundance or in need<br />And if You never grant us peace<br /><br />But Jesus, would You please . . .<br /><br />"Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman<br />-----<br /><br />I heard this song for the first time today, and it's a good thing I did. It's helping me to revolutionize the funk I've been in all day. As is so typical, today I was hit by yet another bout (the second of this year, already) of loneliness and a lack of direction. It always starts the same way: I have to spend a day alone. You'd think I would have realized before now the reason I feel this way when I'm alone. I have a sinking feeling that it stems from the fact that getting to be with someone on all other days leaves me unsure of how to define myself when they're not around. I'm certainly not complaining about getting to spend so much time with people--that's definitely not the case. But what I've come to realize is that my spending so much time with others is kind of a way for me to block out and ignore that I have failed to define myself as an individual. Not only that, but I've been really slacking in my attempt to grow closer and closer to God. Lately it's felt like when I'm praying and trying to talk to Him, I just can't focus. So instead, I try to just be still and listen, but even that doesn't work. It just gives way to all of the crazy things my brain would apparently rather I think about. This has been, of course, a very frustrating season of my life. Wanting a relationship with someone and failing to make it happen is always hard, especially when you know it's your own fault it's not working out. God cannot be at fault for the condition of my relationship with Him. He's never given up on me. I've never really given up on Him, it's just that I never manage to actually try to cultivate a relationship that's more than superficial. <br /><br />Sometimes I wonder if it's my lack of consistent friendships that makes my relationship with God so difficult. Moving so much, I never really got the chance to establish long-lasting meaningful friendships in some of the places I lived. Whenever I'm on breaks from college, I feel the weight of friendlessness to a degree I hadn't expected. I realize that on any given day that I cannot hang out with Dennis, I'm more or less stuck inside unless I go out somewhere on my own. Here at home, other than my family, I don't have any friends who call regularly to see if I want to hang out or go shopping or whatever it is girls do together on breaks. It doesn't help that my lack of something to do leaves me cruising facebook and seeing pictures and statuses all about the fun times other groups of friends are having being reunited from their respective colleges over break. I wouldn't say it makes me jealous so much as it makes me sad. I feel as if I have a lot to offer as a friend but don't get the chance at home. At school, I'm surrounded by a good number of friends who love me very much and whom I love. I will never take that for granted. Perhaps, then, I'm taking these at-home dry spells for granted. Perhaps what I perceived before as a lack of friendships at home is actually a blessing--a freeing of my time that I could spend focusing on my relationship with the One who loves and knows me better than any human friend could. <br /><br />Tomorrow, I'm going to take advantage of this possibility. I'm going to wake up early, go outside, and bury my defeated snapdragon seedlings* along with this funk that I've been in. I'm going to breathe deeply and look around me and take notice of all the little ways God loves me so perfectly, may it be a funny text message from a friend, crisp and cold fresh air, my sweet dog, the vast sky that is unimaginably smaller than God's love and might, and a million opportunities to be more like the Man who knows my heart better than I do, and so on. Maybe I'll end up letting you know all of the little signs of love from God I notice tomorrow. (No promises, though. Goodness knows I never keep promises I make on this blog).<br /><br />Before I wrap up this blog post (I'm already feeling much, much better), I want to mention how thankful I am for all of the friends I already have in my life. I've been texting back and forth with Maggie since before I started writing this blog tonight when I realized my mood was taking a turn for the worse, and just talking with her has made this day so much better than it was.<br /><br />I'm going to end it on a good note by praying a rosary and falling asleep in prayer. Mmm. :) <br /><br />Good night, loves. <3<br /><br />*I'll write a blog post soon about this. It's a pretty funny story and one of those things that makes me shake my head and think, "*sigh* Story of my life." :pKara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-59015731916366795092009-11-25T23:47:00.000-06:002010-08-03T09:29:05.417-05:00Thanksgiving Break and Musings on Dad's DeploymentHello, dears! In two days, I will have been on Thanksgiving Break for a week. That's absolutely crazy; I still feel like I just got home. At the same time, I feel like it's been forever since I was back in my room at Tech. I'm not sure how I can explain those two co-existing feelings, but the disparity definitely says a lot about me.<br /><br />Since coming home, I've done quite a lot. I've read five books, written one 6 page paper, caught up on iCarly, spent time with my mom, babysat, and just plain relaxed. You have absolutely no idea how good it felt for me to be able to just veg in bed reading for fun. It's been so very long since I've gotten the chance to do that. This semester at school has been so ridiculous that I honestly had not gotten a single chance to read a book for fun. I've started several over the semester, but had not managed to finish a single one. I have a feeling that next semester is going to be just as bad, but I will survive, somehow. Especially if I have such relaxing breaks as this one.<br /><br />The one non-relaxing element of this break so far was that horrible paper I had to write. I've never had such a difficult time writing a paper in my life. The novel we had to write about, <span style="font-style:italic;">Midnight Cowboy,</span> is so obscure that there weren't any sources about it. That was quite frustrating. It's done now, but I'd venture to say it's one of my worst ever. It just felt disjointed and pointless the whole way through. I hate sending in papers that leave me feeling that way, but, I'll have a chance to make it better after my teacher gets a look at it, so everything will be fine. I'm just glad I have that weight off of my shoulders and can now enjoy the rest of my break. I do still have more work to do over the break, but nothing so horrible and exhausting as a paper.<br /><br />Because of that unexpected hitch, I didn't get to go to Dennis' show at the NorVa tonight, but he says it was probably their best-sounding show yet, so I'm extremely proud of him. :) I still wish I could have been there to support them. Dennis was the most optimistic he's been after an Early Departure concert tonight, so that was a good sign. In addition to being there for him, I would have been able to see a bunch of people I wouldn't otherwise have seen on break, but, that paper just had to get done.<br /><br />I'm not excited to spend a holiday without my dad. We all miss him a lot and it'll be rough having the fact that he's not with us so glaringly at the forefront of our thoughts tomorrow, but we'll make it through. My dad has it worse, after all. He doesn't have the rest of the family to console him on the absence. He's by himself in Iraq. I'm sure he and his new friends will find a way to celebrate the holiday that helps them feel a semblance of the comfort he'd feel here at home. I think, next to my family, he'll probably most miss doing all of the cooking in the kitchen with the family. You'd swear we were Italian, we're so loud when we're all together in the kitchen. I'm going to miss that this year. I wish I knew exactly what my mom felt about my dad being deployed. I know it has to be hard on her. I just feel so horrible for her and my dad. To have to be apart for a year when they love each other so much must be so very hard. I know my mom is lifting it all up to Jesus and I'm very glad for that. She knows how to make every season in her life bring her closer to God. My mom is such a beautiful, wonderful person. I'm so blessed to be her daughter. <br /><br />Sigh. On the brighter side, I got to talk to my dad on the phone for at least twenty minutes yesterday. It was so great to hear his voice and just talk about all the little details of our lives that we don't often get the chance to share anymore. It seems he's definitely coming home for my Spring Break, though, and I'm beyond excited for that. It was frustrating thinking that the date was up in the air for so long. It will be so good to have him home.<br /><br />I have a lot on my mind and a few things I still need to do before I fall asleep on my all-too-comfortable bed, so I better stop for now. You all know from experience I could go on even longer. :P<br /><br />Have beautiful Thanksgivings, everyone! Don't forget to thank the One who blesses us all so thoroughly. <3Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-26240042031999439472009-11-18T23:42:00.000-06:002009-11-19T00:44:00.676-06:00Time Flies When You're (Not?) Having FunReally? Has it <span style="font-style:italic;">really</span> been two weeks since I last wrote a blog post? That's absolutely insane. I would like to be able to tell you all that things have actually started to slow down, but if I did, I'd be lying. I think the mere fact that I hadn't realized how long it had been since my last blog post. That's not to say that a lot hasn't changed since then, though.<br /><br />Since last Wednesday, I found out and informed my friends Katie, MB, and Megan that I won't be able to live with them next year due to financial constraints my family and I need to impose. To remedy our current situation, I am applying to be a resident advisor next year. Here at Virginia Tech, not only do Resident Advisors not have to pay for housing, they get paid, too! Twice a month. Craaazy. I'm not <span style="font-style:italic;">really</span> doing it to earn money, though, to be honest. I'm doing it because I really just want to give it a shot. I think I'd be a great RA. The perks aren't bad, either. After all, I get paid, I don't have to pay for housing, I get to make a lot of new friends, I get to make the most of my incessant desire to fix peoples' problems, AND I get a room all to myself. I really hope I get selected for the job. It'd be just TOO much fun. :)<br /><br />I am pretty upset that I won't be able to live with MB, Katie, and Megan, though. I wish I would have known MUCH earlier in the semester that living off campus just wouldn't work for my family. Katie, MB, Megan and I have been talking, more or less since the semester began, about all of the awesome things we'd do as apartment mates. We had weekly dinners, cleaning parties, dance parties, and so on already in planning stages. It was so much fun to imagine all of the exciting things we would have done together. It's a little sad to hear them continue working on plans for next year without me. For example, today they met with Maria, who is going to be living with them next fall in my place (Megan will be in that room in the Spring). While I don't think I should have been invited and am not sore at all about not having been invited, it makes me sad to think that all of these plans are occurring now without me when I had been suggesting them before. It's okay, though, because I know they'll welcome me over anytime next year. I'll be an honorary apartment mate or something to that effect. Everything will be okay. Plus, if I do get a position as an RA, my room, seeing as I'll have it all to myself, will be a great place for them to come and hang out during the school day so they don't have to go all the way back to the apartment. Things always work out for the best. I have yet to see what "the best" is yet, but I believe it's yet to come. ;D<br /><br />Right now, I'm staying up late with Katie as she studies for an organic chemistry test she'll be taking Friday morning. Thursday night is our friend Corinne's 20th birthday party and Katie doesn't want to have to worry about studying at all Thursday night while celebrating at Corinne's house. Speaking of Corinne, she told us recently that she just gave her two weeks' notice to Quizzno's which has been keeping her from spending any time with us. We're all VERY excited to get to spend more time with her in the upcoming weeks.<br /><br />It's crazy to think that it's already getting down to exam time. I've already practically finished one of my classes. I just have to write a reflection on a paper I'm going to write for another class. This week was more or less the worst week I've had so far at Tech. Even worse than the week that I had three tests all on the same day. Even though one of my papers due this week had its due date postponed until next Wednesday, I'm still feeling crushed by this week. I know Dennis is feeling it, too. We haven't gotten the chance to video chat for two days in a row now and I could tell it was getting him down tonight. I feel bad about it, but we've both just been so busy that it couldn't be helped. I just have to keep reminding myself and him that sooner rather than later, we'll be seeing each other in person for Thanksgiving Holiday!<br /><br />Speaking of Thanksgiving, I'M GOING HOME FRIDAY AFTERNOON. Oh, guys. You have no idea how excited this makes me. I've been DYING to go home and this week has just made that desire all the more poignant. It really has been most dreadful. I'm lucky I have great friends who cheer me up during the week with fun text message conversations and forbidden trips to the café for ice cream. :) I'm convinced that I wouldn't have made it through this week without experiencing a mental breakdown if not for all of them.<br /><br />A lot has been going on in my life outside of schoolwork recently, too. We just had discernment at Newman for our new Student Campus Minister and Music Minister. I, personally, can't wait for Council Discernment, because I'd really like to be Hospitality Coordinator. The housewife and mother in me is just <span style="font-style:italic;">dying</span> to express itself and I'm convinced this is a healthy channel for it. Haha. <br /><br />In other Newman News, Megan and I joined a bunch of kids from Newman on a Hike this past Saturday to McAfee's Knob just outside of Catawba, Virginia. I had never been, but, oh, my, goodness I have been missing out. It was absolutely stunning. Despite being the 14th of November, it was absolutely gorgeous outside and I got away with wearing shorts and a tee-shirt. It was about a three and a half mile hike to the top of the knob. Once there, Megan and I went exploring. We tried to make it out to a rock we lovingly dubbed "Pride Rock" due to its uncanny resemblance to the rock of Lion King fame. We sustained quite a number of scratches from thorn bushes and scrapes from rocks and even soaked our butts on unexpectedly wet moss in our attempt. The group was assembling for a group picture and preparing to hike back down to the parking lot just as we started getting really close. Don't worry, Pride Rock, Megan and I will return someday and conquer you. Just you wait. :) We may even bring reinforcements.<br /><br />On the hike, I met another Kara who, like me, is a sophomore at Tech. She just transfered to Tech at the beginning of this semester and is an absolute sweetheart. I really sincerely hope we get to be good friends because she honestly is one of the nicest people I've ever met. I feel stupid for making a joke about her being my doppelganger the other night at Newman Thanksgiving Dinner because I have been trying so hard not to make her feel like "The Second Kara" if you know what I mean. It's hard enough transferring into a school without someone with your same name stealing your thunder. I hope she doesn't feel like I was trying to stake out my territory like some snobby dog or something. Haha. Okay, now I'm just being ridiculous. But the point is, she's a real sweetheart and I'd love to be her friend. Just think "The Kara's." It'd be hilarious. :)<br /><br />Newman Thanksgiving was a boatload of fun, too. Megan and I made a funny-looking batch of mashed potatoes after stealing a bowl from the Newman House to make them in. :) We documented the experience with pictures and I can't wait to see how ridiculous I look in them. There was SO much food and SO many people! I wish I had gotten the chance to go around and meet a whole bunch of new people, but I was sitting with Kara and trying to keep watch over the plate of food I made for Megan while she was at a meeting for Relay for Life. I got to talk to my friend John Keenan for quite a while during the dinner which was a lot of fun, considering what a funny person he is. I don't get many opportunities to joke around with him, so I definitely appreciated that time. :)<br /><br />Katie's still studying for organic chemistry. I never thought she'd stay up past one o'clock doing her own work, but, alas, she has! Amazing. :) I almost feel like writing an essay about her here on this blog just to tease her since she's already said she wants to read this blog post when she's all done studying. Buuut, I think I'm too tired for that, so that'll have to wait. :)<br /><br />I suppose that this is all for now (ha. ha. ha.), guys! <br /><br />I love you all. :) God bless you! <3Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8834087520083370500.post-38459454104157283552009-11-04T23:53:00.001-06:002009-11-04T23:53:09.381-06:00DisappointmentI didn't even realize the truth of my own words when in my last blog post I wrote, "Jesus and I have a long week ahead." It's been longer than long. And it's only Wednesday. Last night, I was crushed with the weight of this world, the weight of disappointment. Let me tell you, it was not a good feeling. Honestly, I don't exactly know what caused it. All day, I'd been experiencing really heavy thoughts that seemed to just come out of nowhere--an inescapable feeling that people just can't do anything right. I kept listening to the girls screaming and yelling and laughing out in the hallway of my dorm and all I could think was, "Why is it that they have so much fun making fun of other people and preying on their weaknesses?" I just don't get it. Why do we like so much to put others down? Why does it make us feel good about ourselves? All I could think in response to that was just how awful we must look to Him and how I just can't grasp the fact that He loves us. How can he love someone like me? Someone like any one of us? It's not that I don't believe that He loves us. I believe that wholeheartedly. But it just makes me sad for Him that what he loves is so seemingly irrevocably broken and sinful. I want to actually make Him proud, but I don't know how. Every time my teacher compliments me for my grades and my "moral character," I thank him, awkwardly, not sure how to respond. If I'm such a good person, why am I not making the difference I should be? Why can't I stand up to someone out of love when they're doing or saying something that both they and I know is wrong? Why can't I be what I think He wants me to be?<br /><br />God's love for us will never cease to be a miracle for me. I am blessed far beyond what I could ever deserve. <br /><br />I really, truly do not know how to end this post. I feel like my thoughts are incomplete. Like I'm incomplete. Can't I be better than I've been? Of course. Always. But how? How did He do it? Being human is so hard, so frustrating, so aggravating. <br /><br />Will I ever feel like I've tried hard enough for Him? I think it'd be okay if the answer to that was 'no,' so long as I never stop trying. I just want to make Him happy. I'm aware of how screwed up and broken our world is, so isn't it time for me to do something about it? Then again, our world is beautiful and charming, too, but all of that charm and all of that beauty is Him manifesting Himself to us. Oh, that we could ever deserve such beauty, such love.<br /><br />I don't know how you did it, Jesus, but I won't rest until I've tried my best, too. <br /><br />Goodnight, everyone. Good luck with the rest of YOUR week, and God bless and keep you always.<br /><br />Jesus, don't let go.Kara Olenickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17733142712578389924noreply@blogger.com2